Once upon a time…

There was someone with something to say …

Actually everyone has something to say,or they should.. it’s ..relieving.  NowI listen to Adele while thinking how to write this…

Well I’ve been annoyed with people thinking or affirming I’m bisexual or I was straight cos I dated a guy,yes it was 2 years, let me tell you this little story.

I met this german girl, online while I was studying german, she was half irish so talking was way easier, we talked for…about 4 years, on and off, for some odd reason we decided to meet and I worked my ass off to get money for the plane ticket and what not, I went there and everything was awesome,dreamy, I was in love…and then she had to go and be a total bitch unable to handle a relationship and treated me like porcupine crap… I was heartbroken, I had to spend countless hours alone at her sister’s place, ( she kindly let me stay, when she wasn’t home of course ) and when I had to be with her ( Katy is her name) ugh..being ignored is really hurtful…and being rudely talked to after being ignored for a while is … Really..worst trip ever, I mean I loved Germany but come on. I came back home and I could barely bear to live, I think it was around 8 months that I didn’t leave home, I would only watch TV and cry..all day,and slept all I could.

After said 8 months, I started to feel less crappy,so..I had my first rebound..this english girl ( sorry ¬¬ ) I would of NEVER even considered in the least to even shake her hand…but there I was lonely and needing someone to tell me nice things,to make me believe it all could still be good…of course I sorta snapped out of it and it ended..I was thinking how the fuck could that had occurred! omg .. then guess what.. another german girl! Cos yes,the country is not at fault…right…?  Things were ok…but then..the biggest rebound appeared…my long long time friend! That super girly gay boy..yes..cos it’s a friend..cos what if I could like boys..SURE THING NANCY,SURE THING. oh my…and this was,well let me tell ya :

I’ve always seen him as my gay friend…to me it was like a girl..just w/o boobs, yes this may sound funny but I’m serious…btw I was told that the entire time I referred to him as a female … first year,honestly I was drunk like half of the day..so the sex was huh ok I guess, I really didn’t care much..ah yes he had long hair..but then guess what, I decided to be good and drink way less..oh well.. things changed…I didn’t want to have sex anymore…oh he cut his hair…ok that’s a total no thanks…I started to finally think of him as a guy,and that was it…then well I had a good excuse to kick him out when I found out he was cheating on me with 5 girls…then again, I was just pissed off,not even hurt,and I was SO happy when I was rid of that…and I was glad I made sure I don’t like guys,yes anyone can get stuff inside, doesn’t mean you are bi or something, I hate people giving me that crap, my mom was happy,it was soooo easy for her to talk about my relationship with her friends,it was easy for me to go out and no one questioned my partner..yes,i had that phase,too little too late,but well, now I know.

so,yes I’m a lesbian tyvm..now after that…I went into gay chat,well lesbian community chat,andI just wanted to be silly and fool around..but no, I started to talk to this girl who seemed like fun..she was flirty and cute and sweet and she appeared to think I was the awesomest person alive.. for the first two months,then she started to be herself…that sucked..I of course asked why… “Cos I was trying to get you to date me”… oh ok well,I see..so she made me think she was this sweet,caring,loving person…instead of the distant,rude,cold hearted person she is, I am not saying she doesn’t have feelings, but it’s NOT COOL, to mislead someone..so I loved the person that she showed me,not who she was..so luckily I got smarter and for the first time… I broke up with someone..it hurt..but I feel way much better now, I don’t miss her,well I miss who she appeared to be..but that happened for the last 3 months so big difference…

Now I just started to mingle with the community of lesbians in my city, omg in my time there wasn’t any! Thing is I’m way older than most… good thing is I look a bit younger ( 5-4 years younger) still feel like a pedobear!!

So,what I know now is… I want dates,go out,have fun,nothing serious yet and to make sure the girl is not an asshole beforehand. I know now what i want from a relationship,but I’m gonna take my time.

Oasis en el desierto

Ok it’s about time I write about this, it’s a bit hard due to the lack of glasses that is caused by the falling on my face event…

So, I’m single, again, turns out she wasn’t who I thought she was, at all, it was all a very well planned bait, I must admit, it took me a little bit to realize this, but at least I grew a pair and ended it. It’s all much better now , I’m just confused, since I don’t know if I should count that as dating, since it was a mere disguise…a fake person . Humm

I discovered I NEED to be single for a while, at least some months, I actually don’t wanna get involved for good at least till I’m in New York ( long story hooray goal in life ) so.. we’ll see.

This year has been much better, but for reasons that I wasn’t taking enough in consideration, I’ve made awesome true friends, I have my ny sistah and I’ve learned a big deal about me,also starting to look good ,thanks gym.

So, going forward.—>

There’s this band I LOVE called Bloodflowerz ,sadly they don’t play anymore, but oh whoa,they are so so so good. will write more about that later on.

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