Getting off this train…

Well, after some months of giving it deep thoughts… I get off the veganism train, no, I won’t go running around wearing leather and buying stuff without caring if it’s tested or not and visiting Seaworld ( those idiots!!), but I may eat occasional eggs from Ranchs that old women sell near my house,  I looked back at how I was about this, how it made me feel, how it made me be and all that amazingly fun introspective stuff… I don’t want to ride my high horse ( a vegan ride, not on a real horse haha ) and be purist and totalitarian about things, when I trained at the gym I loved it, it was nice, but I also realize I over did it, I was so damn sore all the time, now training at home ( just started ) I’m taking it easy, respecting my body and giving it enough stimulus to get fit but also not too much that it can’t properly recover, can’t demand and not give back! I did get sore but something normal not crippling pain.

So back to the main point, I analysed and with my heart on my hand not literally omg gross, I do not see wrong in eating some eggs that the hens who are living a natural life lay, that old women sell to help support themselves and said hens, when I say natural life please do consider hens don’t go wild living in the forests, as far as I know they only live with us humans, so I chose to , instead of going around pointing my finger at people and isolating myself from anyone who dared to be : a) a not so good vegan b) not a vegan c) not even a vegetarian! c)not thinking like I thought they should think, I just let people be cos we are what we are and we are in different stages in our lives, of course I am happy, thrilled,blessed to have found a woman that is a vegetarian already and is trying to consume less dairy, I am, but I am not going to keep on feeling so tense about not being perfect about stuff, cos that is not healthy for my mind or body.

I don’t know how many people will take this, I am guessing not too well, and this is also another reason, being scared of losing a certain “status” or “common denomination”? I’m too old for that, I want to enjoy life, of course respecting my fellow animal humans and non-humans, I am still against many things, but also not others, like guide dogs for the blind, I don’t dare go and say those blind people are monsters enslaving the dogs, I am against police dogs though, cos it’s risky and they die and get injured.

Having said this… I’m still good old me, I decided I do wanna quit the snacks too, cos it’s not fun eating them on my own to be honest haha, and I want to train at home, at a reasonable pace and I want to fully embrace who I am and respect me and value and love me cos I am not doing anything wrong and I shouldn’t feel guilty so often.

So, if you are reading this and you know me personally and wanna keep being friends or something, cool! If not, that’s cool too cos it’s your call.

Ahhh, it felt so good sharing that… miau. 11060103_10153142961388836_518791952641537802_n

 

 

 

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About cats and making peace

Well, many things have passed,this is not a post to take a look into recent things but rather into old, forgotten and hidden stuff… Yeah, as you know I’ve made my way in my own acceptance path and this comes with self-esteem and new ideas and new ways to see things,or in some cases, old ways renewed , so now I feel ready to write this. I also realized I don’t have to be angry cos there’s still stuff to improve!

I am going to do this as a list, with just initial Letter of names so we don’t get into a mess hehe, once it happened that I used a full name and hell broke loose!

Ok who do I start with…. tough one. I think with lowest point in my life..

P : It took me a while but I understand you were (are?) also a lonely person, scared and who desperately needed praise ,being it with “friends” or “love”, you were even more lost than I was and we just pretended that everything was ok and it wasn’t, but I gotta thank you, I re-assured my preference big time, I’m super lesbian and more than that, I’m demisexual, which explains a lot about my life lol. I also realized I am not good lying to myself and pretending stuff,so I’m not doing that anymore, I hope you also realized important things about yourself.

L:  Hmm I learned so much… I learned I don’t have to beg for attention or a nice word,also that I don’t have to force myself to accept things that I’m not really ok with, and that I don’t have to hold onto things that are hurting me just because the right thing is to keep trying,is also wise to quit, I learned the more you want something that someone doesn’t want to give, the more fights come from it, I also learned to respect myself enough to say “no” and to stay away from people that are not the kind I like to be with. So, thank you for that,you were right, you were the step towards something much better, and it’s only getting better, thank you!

K: Contrary to what would be most logical to thing, I don’t have much to say about this, I took a big chance, didn’t work, we both were silly back then, but I held a grudge for way too long , I surely will make sure I don’t do that again!!

M: You were incredibly supporting, you really helped me to get back on my feet after my big depression when I came back from Germany, you were a great friend..I don’t think I ever told you, that band you introduced to me “Marlango” would remain one of my favourites and that their song “It’s alright” saved me so many times when I couldn’t bare to exist on this earth, I helped you translate many songs and you drew a wonderful cat for me that I got tattooed, I still don’t know what happened,why did you turn your back on me and became such good friends with those people you used to dislike so much,but I am done questioning that,or you,or why you never replied to my messages, with a little pain in my heart but also with happiness, I let you go, my dear friend , you did what you had to do in my life and that time is over and I am happy we met and I hope you’re doing fine.

I hope everyone on this list is doing fine,also those people I didn’t mention but, to sum it up , I thank everyone I’ve met, specially the ones that had made my life “difficult” cos that only meant you had something to teach me.

 

Now onto the present… I think with all the years and all the stuff, I forgot how much I really love cats…after Histeria died I didn’t want to truly love one again,cos I knew it’d hurt so much if something happened…but closing your heart is not the answer nor with human animals nor with any other animal…that’s why I’m surrounded by love now, family,cats ,friends and of course my super awesome sillyhead girlfriend… she’s helped me so much,but I will thank her personally ^_^

So, Gordito’s death really hit me, I felt so guilty and so bad, but those feelings have gone now everytime I think of him is just with love and I remember how silly he was and how he hit the other cats hehe, of course now and then a tear falls down,but it’s perfectly ok.

So with this renewed love for my furry friends,and this peace of finally letting go of so many things and people, I continue my way  focusing on what I have instead of what I don’t. cos man that’s tiring and stupid

Now something to think about!

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