About cats and making peace

Well, many things have passed,this is not a post to take a look into recent things but rather into old, forgotten and hidden stuff… Yeah, as you know I’ve made my way in my own acceptance path and this comes with self-esteem and new ideas and new ways to see things,or in some cases, old ways renewed , so now I feel ready to write this. I also realized I don’t have to be angry cos there’s still stuff to improve!

I am going to do this as a list, with just initial Letter of names so we don’t get into a mess hehe, once it happened that I used a full name and hell broke loose!

Ok who do I start with…. tough one. I think with lowest point in my life..

P : It took me a while but I understand you were (are?) also a lonely person, scared and who desperately needed praise ,being it with “friends” or “love”, you were even more lost than I was and we just pretended that everything was ok and it wasn’t, but I gotta thank you, I re-assured my preference big time, I’m super lesbian and more than that, I’m demisexual, which explains a lot about my life lol. I also realized I am not good lying to myself and pretending stuff,so I’m not doing that anymore, I hope you also realized important things about yourself.

L:  Hmm I learned so much… I learned I don’t have to beg for attention or a nice word,also that I don’t have to force myself to accept things that I’m not really ok with, and that I don’t have to hold onto things that are hurting me just because the right thing is to keep trying,is also wise to quit, I learned the more you want something that someone doesn’t want to give, the more fights come from it, I also learned to respect myself enough to say “no” and to stay away from people that are not the kind I like to be with. So, thank you for that,you were right, you were the step towards something much better, and it’s only getting better, thank you!

K: Contrary to what would be most logical to thing, I don’t have much to say about this, I took a big chance, didn’t work, we both were silly back then, but I held a grudge for way too long , I surely will make sure I don’t do that again!!

M: You were incredibly supporting, you really helped me to get back on my feet after my big depression when I came back from Germany, you were a great friend..I don’t think I ever told you, that band you introduced to me “Marlango” would remain one of my favourites and that their song “It’s alright” saved me so many times when I couldn’t bare to exist on this earth, I helped you translate many songs and you drew a wonderful cat for me that I got tattooed, I still don’t know what happened,why did you turn your back on me and became such good friends with those people you used to dislike so much,but I am done questioning that,or you,or why you never replied to my messages, with a little pain in my heart but also with happiness, I let you go, my dear friend , you did what you had to do in my life and that time is over and I am happy we met and I hope you’re doing fine.

I hope everyone on this list is doing fine,also those people I didn’t mention but, to sum it up , I thank everyone I’ve met, specially the ones that had made my life “difficult” cos that only meant you had something to teach me.


Now onto the present… I think with all the years and all the stuff, I forgot how much I really love cats…after Histeria died I didn’t want to truly love one again,cos I knew it’d hurt so much if something happened…but closing your heart is not the answer nor with human animals nor with any other animal…that’s why I’m surrounded by love now, family,cats ,friends and of course my super awesome sillyhead girlfriend… she’s helped me so much,but I will thank her personally ^_^

So, Gordito’s death really hit me, I felt so guilty and so bad, but those feelings have gone now everytime I think of him is just with love and I remember how silly he was and how he hit the other cats hehe, of course now and then a tear falls down,but it’s perfectly ok.

So with this renewed love for my furry friends,and this peace of finally letting go of so many things and people, I continue my way  focusing on what I have instead of what I don’t. cos man that’s tiring and stupid

Now something to think about!



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