Visions of Love

Perfect song or band name material there, but no, I want to go into the world of dating, online dating and similar. Buckle up thy belts!


So, whether you know it or not, I have had a few girlfriends I’ve met online,  I won’t “count” the one I didn’t get to meet in person nor will I go into detail about the many people I talked to over the Internet since I was coming to terms, or rather learning about my sexual orientation from when I was  16 to the present day.

Also I’m not sure how I feel about dating apps, back in my day I met people either through the chat in a file sharing console program, ( such old days, it had MX on the name I’m sure..) or more recently on a yuri manga forum, not looking for it, just kinda happened.. awww.

Anyway , now there are a shitload of these apps and I think it is good to kinda be out there if you are not someone to go out clubbing, or to go out much as myself, I generally stay home, since I work from home, I don’t go to clubs and I kinda only go to gym but I also don’t talk to people there… lol  so it’s not exactly looking for me, just kind of being around.

The thing with online anything is, that it can be often misleading ( Ever watched Catfish? watch it! I love it cos I thing the dudes really care and seem super sweet)  in the sense of that it may be very easy, to talk to someone online ( it sure as hell is easier than in person most of the time, least for me ) it’s easier to get along, do not take me wrong, I genuinely think you can get to know someone a lot over the net, but somehow none of that really guarantees that things will go smoothly once you meet, ( if there are no plans on meeting it’s pretty pointless methinks ) even meeting once or twice doesn’t guarantee anything, but that’s another thing and not the point of my post today.

Today I want to address just this “talking phase” , when you think “Hey,this is nice” cos it’s a conversation that doesn’t feel too forced you know, like most do ( people just love asking generic stuff too much meow! ) that’s usually the first time, then somehow it’s like “hmm…”  there are of course few times when it’s super smooth and you can talk literally for hours and have an awesome time and subjects just keep coming on their own and suddenly you are on Whatsapp and stuff, but well, what I mean is that we may mistake a fast seemingly ok connection with just someone who was ok to talk to a bit, that day but not on a regular basis.

A thing that puts me off is that some women, specially on Mexican sites I’ve seen, are like “Hey, anyone to go on a date, or anyone who wants to be my gf, or hey anyone who wants to kiss me?” it’s a bit too much honestly.

I have read many texts about how we keep attracting people that show us our own reflection and thus we can learn and improve from them, but then those people go naturally out of our lives,  I know I always went for the emotionally unavailable kinda shitty person but she was not so shitty with me so I felt special cos I didn’t have self love, now I do and I just immediately stopped meeting such people, it is like that.

So, while I have NO idea of how many more people I’ll meet before being “ready” ( so to speak,cos we keep learning and learning and growing ) to meet my twin spark. I still think the red string of fate is a thing, just maybe not in all cases it means eternal romance or anything, just people you MUST meet and will leave a huge mark and learning. I do not think there is this one great love of your life that you can never be happy with, I think that idea comes from attachment and a tragic human mind cos somehow we find tragedy to be romantic AF, why oh why? So, most likely there is a special someone who is our twin spark and can caress our souls and we can do that back, but we suffer cos we sorta expect them show up every single time we meet someone, thus putting lots of pressure on people and things, attachment and expectations and not enough joy with our own company. And it’s not like that love we felt for others isn’t real just because it is not eternal, if it was sincere it was eternal while it lasted.  Happy tear?..hmm  ^_^

So I’m going to keep loving myself more and more and enjoy a lot cos I am truly the first and for now the only person who can really accept and handle the Nancy experience haha, if the meow asshat girl comes along, awesome, if not I’ll be just as happy cos I am in best company.

Epiphany.. . wow if one can be so happy and feel so good with someone who isn’t even their twin spark..imagine how would that be then? !






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