Beauty at every size, shave or not and more

Yeah, I usually don’t go into detail with this cos it’s touchy and no one is asking me but..this is my blog so I can write what I like! Trying to be somehow reasonable tho

I do not wish to be rude or hurt anyone’s feeling, but honestly, people get offended way too easily nowadays, I don’t believe that’s healthy..now without further ado

Love yourself,  you are fine the way you are, yes ok, let’s stop a second, it is one thing to not hate yourself cos you are not a size 0 or you don’t adhere to a standard of beauty, but what puzzles me is ,this seems to also mean “you can be super fat and still be ok”..well, I don’t think human body looks at it’s best when we are overweight, I do think body needs exercise and proper nutrition and that shows, people who indulge too much and pay no mind to working out, well, tend to look a certain way, you can’t tell me that’s how you are meant to be either… most people usually do eat a lot to get to that, ( I’m not even talking about morbidly obese people and no, people with legit medical conditions are not the majority, please) I am also aware that there may be shit going on in your life and thus you gain weight, hell, I gained 25 kilos (50 lbs) when I was at my lowest regarding self-esteem, but that is exactly why I pay attention, I know if I gain weight it’s due to me being unhappy, when I feel fine I eat ok and workout and I look fine too.

I honestly feel it’s more of an excuse to just eat what you want, but then again, I am not a huge fan of food as you know, I like it, I like some food more than other, but I don’t LOVE eating, it’s sometimes well, a necessity, cos if you don’t eat you die, and I must eat certain amount of carbs, protein and fat to achieve what I want, that’s how I see it, so maybe temptation doesn’t really play a role with me and I can’t objectively talk about it,  food as an addiction has obviously never been a thing for me.

So, people can eat what they want and be fat or not, that’s ok, but I don’t want people to force me to agree with that, like “omg you don’t find this girl beautiful!! you are the worst”,well damn no, I have preferences and we all should be allowed to! Like not wanting to have sex with trans women who still have a penis, what is wrong with you people!? we can choose whatever the hell we like!

I remember, when I was fat, a girl told me she liked me but not my looks and that maybe after I lost weight we could go out, or something like that, at the moment I was quite offended and most people would agree she was mean…was she? NO, she didn’t wanna date a fat person as much as I prefer not to date,I don’t know, blondes or girls who don’t workout at all, it’s a preference and we all can have it and she did nothing wrong by telling me that. I can see it now, I myself stopped talking to this one girl online cos of the very same reason.

Which leads me to the whole shaving legs thing… I do not like it when we, as women as expected to do stuff, like put on makeup, I barely do and only when I want to, again, this may be different cos I only date women and most women for some reason don’t care about body hair, I do though which is funny enough, I mean, if we are already dating and she stops shaving I’d ask what’s going on, I do prefer no hair thanks and I like to keep myself like that, but I also respect people and don’t try to change them, so I’d only end it, not talk her into shaving cos that’s not cool.

But, do most feminists purposefully not shave to go against patriarchy beauty standard? I mean, I know this one girl, she wears make up and is a lot more girly than I am ( I’m what you’d call a sporty femme) but she is like “meh I don’t have to look like this or that, I won’t work out etc” and some girls in her “group” won’t do anything that is considered to fulfill a beauty standard, even if they do like that, follow me?  I started working out to stop being fat, cos I hated what I saw in the mirror and how it reflected how incredibly shitty I was feeling, now I do it cos I wanna look hot, for me hot is some muscles and being fit, I don’t give a flying fuck when others don’t find this sexy or whatever, but it’s annoying when fellow women tell you “you are already fine, you don’t need more working out”, if you don’t wanna “submit” to beauty standards, ok good for you, I am not doing that, I like doing that shit , human body looks much better when fit, it’s my belief.

This was mostly a rant so, yeah.

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This photo created a huge hassle back then, this woman is really inspiring and I like her a lot, (her name is Maria Kang, if you are sorta agreeing with me so far, check her out, if not..well…)but people said she was “fat shaming”, well, no, we do make up excuses, that shit is real, I’ve made excuses, we all have had, “it’s too late, early, it’s raining, it’s cold, this, that” when we really wanna do something we do it, period. Again, if you are like, legit sick, you better rest, but still no excuse to go and eat a bunch of crap. Jeeeeeesus.

 

 

My head is a jungle (jungle, jungle)

Those are actually lyrics from this song… “jungle” by Emma Louise ..saw it on this ad for black opium perfume,anyway it works for my post too!

So a friend is briefly back from Australia, we met with the other 2 friends, I haven’t seen any since this one friend left, she was our pillar, I always said that, while it was nice to see them again…

Things haven’t changed at all in this year, we ended up talking about the very same things, making me remember why I didn’t see them for so long, I ended up drinking way too much ( for what I drink now) cos it was the only way I felt supa comfy and , yeah that’s lame eh, but again, at least I can better understand now why things are like that, so I didn’t get drunk but I did go well pass over my calories.

People say to move on, and let go, when you overeat/drink, I personally think : “Sure, you shouldn’t beat yourself up” but it doesn’t mean you just move on and don’t try to fix it, I went over by 830 freaking calories, so the next day, I ate 630 calories less than what is on my “schedule” this means today I can “save” only about 100, tomorrow another 100 less and then it balances out. Most people wouldn’t do that, but I’m lucky to work at home so I can and I did, this means hitting the gym on Saturday which is totally ok, so now I can really move on with that. Not forgetting what I told my returning friend, most people bore me when I’m sober and I wanna hang out with people I can stand sober.

Even if this means not hanging out at all, please refer to my previous post Say

Me may meet on Saturday, if we do, I’ll bring my own craft beer and have 2 and be done with it. As we speak, well, as I write I’m eating yummy fruit and checking Cinema for tickets for Nanoha movie, but no luck  u.u

Tomorrow shall be a day to watch all the new anime episodes!!

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a NanoFate illustration for no reason at all!!!!

Nancy’s review of this year

So, the year hasn’t ended officially, but my new year is around the corner, that is October 31,  since I have so many things that happened to me, I’m going to write about them now so they will be quiet and let me do other stuff.

As you know I was dating this person, she didn’t make it into the ex list, for a variety of reasons not to be discussed, so, I sprained my ankle one day before she graciously broke up with me, I pushed her to tell me what was going on..anyway, that of course pissed me off cos wtf woman? Don’t act all nice and shit and then do that, BUT as with all things in life, this came with a lesson, I think the cherry on the cake of a lesson AND a brand new one, so I am very happy things happened as they did after all, cos otherwise.. I wouldn’t be on this new..place? stage? step? level?

Nummer 1: The whole dating thing, I was used to crappyness so whenever I’d meet someone who was less crappy, I found myself thinking “Ah..so people can be actually nicer than X..I see” and each time they were nicer and it just hit me…being super nice and treating me like a god damn princess is the MINIMUM, not the most amazing things I could expect but the fucking given, minimum!! I remember being so happy when I was with L cos she was all nice and shit, like bitch, they gotta be nice and lovely all the damn time, I mean not all the time every waking hour, but it shouldn’t be such a novelty for a gf/person you’re dating, to treat you right and stuff.

That was the part this person who I dated cleared the most for me, I thought I had it but no, I was still settling, much less, but still, I would still try and “be open” and shit just to be ok with someone, well FUCK THAT, I’m super fine as I am and whoever doesn’t like that is welcomed not to and to go away, we ain’t here to fucking adapt to people, this doesn’t mean I hate people again or anything.

The second part..the hardest, with the sprained ankle came a lot of frustration, anger and sadness, cos I was walking more and in general, I like to be able to walk you know? After the influenza I really appreciated the fact of being able to leave the fucking house.  So, I had to slow down, it gave me a lot of time to think…I think how I am doing in my life now corresponds as how I am re-learning to use my feet, my body, say, I got rid of supportive shoes cos I want my feet muscles to work, be strong, be as they are meant to, I, for the first time in my life, finally, came to good terms with the alcohol thing, yes, I did drink more and stuff I don’t even like just to put up with people.

But now, I do love beer, specially craft beer, so I’ll have 1-2 TOPS, and not often, cos that messes up my efforts at gym and tracking my macros/calories (got me a kitchen scale and a bathroom scale, a set of spoons and cups) and it tastes better when it’s less, now I will write it down in a controlled food log and everything is fine.

What about them friends now? Well… I used to see them often, get drunk often (or at least drink a lot) , now as you can imagine I barely see them and I have not got drunk, just at Jani’s party, but that was so much fun, but hangover lasted 2 days wtf. Do other things? Yeah that ain’t gonna happen, we may go to movies now and then, clubbing is out of the question, so is eating cos, bear with me, I KNOW people love eating meat and most won’t ever quit and even as much as I don’t like it I HAVE to accept it, I am done trying to change people, but I’m also done doing shit I don’t like so, I’d not hang out with a bunch of people who love to eat, eating a lot of dead animals, cos that makes me feel weird and I can simply not.

Supportive shoes= excess booze Minimalist shoes=1-2 drinks  that’s how I think it can be compared, of course I’m not still used to the new way my foot do thing, I’m working hard to be strong all over, it’ll be ok, specially now that I know. Another good thing is now I think of my whole body more, I pay more attention when training parts like my shoulders, back, I am more aware when working my legs too, it all just feels much better.

I’m excited about things to come, btw, being a freelancer is really the best, I’ve been tempted to write L just to tell her how wrong she was with that shit about having a fucking boring job to hate cos you can’t do cool stuff and get cash but that’s what people call petty and I won’t, but I’ve wanted to. xD

 

These pics? Just women I think are gorgeous and I THINK they have some similar traits, I’ve come closer to have a type yay! Still gotta properly date an Asian girl tho!

The darkest hour

I didn’t know how to write “moment of truth” in a more dramatic manner so… Since I took a glimpse on stuff I wrote and thought,and pretended to think,and so on—.I decided to briefly expose my true feelings.

No,I don’t like weed,people can smoke a bit ok,but I would not enjoy having a gf who smokes,so hooray.

Same goes for other drugs, except alcohol,that one is fine when it’s not 2 bottles a day . xD

I don’t like men,I didn’t like it when I tried to date that guy,rebounds are not cool mmkay?

I am not always right and I make mistakes and I used to be very judgemental, I’m sorry about it.

I had been very mean,specially to myself, I am also sorry to those I was mean to,hope at least we all learned something.

I am truly sorry I used the word “love” when I shouldn’t.. I was trying really hard to convince myself that that was what was going on..but of course it wasn’t…me being in love has just happened 2 times in my life, I am not like a horrible person I was just very lost and emotionally unstable and scared and lonely.

I’m impressed at how many posts I consecrated to insult myself and put me down, like whoa! I am aware I disliked my appearance heavily cos it reflected the storm inside…but please don’t treat yourselves like that, love thyself!

I am very happy I got better,it may of taken me almost 32 years,but I got there..of course there is always room for improvement.

I am still open to new stuff,but I have clear limits and I won’t go over them for nothing.

Ain’t nobody got time to read all this.

I am ready now to offer to the world and to take accordingly. I can smile and breath deep.

I think that’s all for now,haha.

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random romantic illustration  -coughs-

The train has left the station, destination is currently still unknown

So, following the past post, yeah I have no idea what the hell is going on, I think I like it, but I don’t see how any of the old things can fit in anymore..maybe they aren’t supposed to. Maybe that is exactly the god damn point. But being a first time it’s still weird as a ( vegan of course ) cat shaped cake ( so cute I couldn’t eat it probably )

I mean, I was looking after what I ate,but not as good as I could,now that I have clear goals ..I somehow ended up with 3 apps to aid me… lol that’s kinda silly I guess, but useful at least at first. One is for macros, I think I’m sticking to something around 50% carbs / 40% protein and 10% fat. It can of course vary somehow, I’m not gonna pull my hair over that,but it helps to see if overall I’m going on the right direction. I mean what’s with all this gym commitment and no caring for a proper nutrition right?

The 1-2 drinks , 1-2 days a week MAX rule is pretty good, I like it and shall abide to it, also I will permanently say no to like japanese style peanuts and that sorta thing,refined food and most things coming outta package, and those who do come out of one, will not have more than 5 ingredients and the first 3 of them can’t be sugar. Also,in case of emergency one can go out of their way a bit, like said, I was out with my mom,shopping for hours, and guess what? About 5 hours went by, I was unprepared and of course sooooo hungry,so I tried to choose wisely, I had some sushi filled with avocado and cucumber,rice and steamed veggies, it’s not something I would order usually but it’s much better than chinese food,so. There ya go,can’t go starving either.

So this makes going out a bit harder for me, haha, cause, it’s not only asking about any animal ingredient on that bread is also frowning cos it’s white bread ( that happened before this new life, worry not lol ) and now it’s asking about every single drink, do you add sugar to it? Can you please not do that? lol . This is where the Nancy apartheid comes in, how am I supposed to hang out with my friends? We mostly gathered to eat and drink, or drink,and last time we did that…you know how it went… I think the movies are a safe bet, of course hoping they won’t bring they gf’s along,I mean , I don’t wanna be the only one sitting on her own xD  it’s kinda weird…I prefer going alone,oh well, who knows how this will go.

For the rest… I don’t have any idea if she likes me or not,guess I’m gonna ask sometime in the future.  :3 It’d be nice if she did.

Also no new anime that has me thrilled, all of my shows ended.

Mikagura Gakuen was ,well Eruna-chan is my new favourite yuri girl, the ending was kinda open,but at least she remained gay so yay!

Hibike Euphonium… meh, I don’t even know what to think.

Kiniro Mosaic, honestly I loved the show but the ending seemed pretty bleak to me. dunno

So I guess I will finish Lagrange one,that seemed cool, the Chuunibyou and well reading mangas. Also I must catch up with tons of books .

I also must meditate on various things. Oh did I mention my food sales are going up? That THRILLS ME, cos I honestly wanna live from that, giving people a nice cruelty free option and well, I love cooking so :3

give wings to the sheep,cos that's how far away from da flock she's going.

give wings to the sheep,cos that’s how far she’s going from da flock

Random Nanceeh of The… month,week, who knows!?

So I’m gonna babble about stuff just because I can,and I usually do but this time is personal. Word by word.

Ok, first I wanna talk about protein shakes, there’s controversy about these, some people won’t take them because they aren’t natural or are too processed,( they are natural,just yeah processed then again,some have weird stuff some don’t, read labels ) that might be interesting but then again it offers great help to hit the protein mark that you desire or need. I don’t think regular people who don’t lift or do some tiring strength training activity should worry about this, at all. But truth is you may want the extra help to achieve a proper protein income to get your goals. I know people have a fixation on protein, specially if they know you are vegan , I’ve gained a decent amount of muscle mass , and I’ve been vegan for 2 years almost now,was a vegetarian before for about 13 years, the times when I did lose mass it was my own fault,for not eating enough calories/food/nutritious food and being lazy, I’ll be honest. I just took gym seriously past December,and my new total approach to it is merely 1 week old,so I will tell you it goes in about 1 or 2 months.

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Anyway back on the theme, I guess it comes down to a personal choice,as most things end up being… I do choose to take a protein shake with oats,blueberries,raspberries and/or strawberries and maybe a banana,a tablespoon of chia and 1 cup of vegetable milk. I feel fine and it’s satisfying, I can’t tell  you if it does make a difference,but it does at least in one aspect, I cook for my whole family and I love doing it!! But also, I try to make 5 meals a day, so I get bored if I didn’t cook many different things,hence I LOVE fruit, I just pack a lot and call it one meal down. So,when I’m tired from gym, I come home and have my shake, it’s delicious,and then I can relax,and have a small silly dinner,mostly veggies, about 2-3 hours before sleep,or else I won’t be hungry for breakfast. So do drink or do not drink protein shakes, at least those are like just concentrated protein sources, I don’t know nor do I care about BCAA’s or NO or anything like it,so I won’t say anything about those.

Another thing was this weekend, it was my first weekend not chain-drinking when I met with friends, I brought my 2 craft beers to the gathering,my own food,since it was hamburger day ( we usually meet up to eat,they had always included something we could all eat,since I’m the only vegan/non-meat eater even last time they made a 100% vegan dish !! ) but yesterday it was their turn,they wanted greasy burgers lol, so we had a hamburger day. I brought 2 chickpea+veggies patties and sunflower seed spread. It was…fine,well I have to admit it, I was shocked that one of my friends who was a vegetarian,then vegan,then vegetarian,then ate some sausages ,was eating the burgers..I mean sure, from a sausage to that it’s a simple step, people can do whatever they like, I just selfishly miss the one close person to me who I could share that aspect of my life. But none of that matters since at home it’s a a safe haven and my mom is happy being vegan.

Anyway I’m like going stray, the whole meeting was ok, I drank slowly,I played the videogames, the eating part was actually ok…EXCEPT for one thing, I know much better than getting upset at people’s comments,specially coming from a very playful person but.. I dunno,it just bothered me, I brought up my tupper ,and K asked what was that? cos it didn’t look like food,then S ( former veggie person ) said my sunflower seed spread tasted weird ( we had some last time she came home  ) and I was like… well yes,some “new” foods are different than the usual hot dogs and mayo and cheese, but it doesn’t mean they are “bad” , we just aren’t used to them, gee, I had never eaten a single kind of berry till I turned vegan,and now I love them.

So in short,it was ok but I am not gonna attend another meeting when it’s ALL meat time, I had attended several grilled reunions,those are much better! I just bring along my pan and then everyone can share the guacamole, heck,last time they all ate vegetarian chorizo!! So… I’m gonna stick with that cos otherwise I get uncomfy. On the drinking part, it was certainly different, I guess I just did things way too opposite from every single person then and that kinda left me feeling outta place. I think it’s all good cos it means even less chances for going out which means, better care of my body and mind and less spending. I’ll think about it all. Things are changing quite fast, I wonder where will this take me .

Kicking the bucket

I believe this is the proper expression when you quit something. Well I haven’t totally “quit” Facebook but… I found myself going back at the site,several times a day,well honestly kinda expecting something..I shall not discuss that with you people.

Anyway, I was like ok, enough,and left a message, “Not gonna be on FB, reach out by whatsapp” What happened? I got notifications on my cellphone .. Facebook inboxes… like freaking 4, if you are telling people you won’t be picking up the phone,but they can come to your house…they will start ringing like mad then? I don’t get it.

At any rate, I just see the inboxes in case it’s a request for vegan food ( I sell vegan tamales ) otherwise I don’t even read them, I am a bit pissed off people won’t use whatsapp or regular mail or a phone call or… are we soooooooo hooked up on the social networks that we can’t find another way to contact the ones we “love” and the ones we “care for” ? I use quotation marks cos if you cared so much  you wouldn’t need the freaking computer/tablet/smartphone in the first place… houses have doors and you can go knock.. ( I do dislike people showing up randomly though, but you know what I’m saying )

Right now I just wanna focus on me and keep doing what I’m doing and well, being ready for when ,if ,something happens.. ( hope it does ) so I’m not going to be dramatic and delete my account ( plus I need to leave that door open as well ) but I think checking it like once every 2 days should suffice, then I have myself with much more time to read, watch anime, play and work out,oh yes and cooking. Posting stuff on FaceBook has never actually helped anyone methinks. I enjoy writing here so much more.

So all in all, Facebook might be useful but it’s usually just gossip and bickering,so not in the mood for it right now.

I don’t know about Twitter, I only use it to link this blog to the FB so it posts automatically .

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And none can call me a hypocrite, cos yes, I enjoyed using it a lot, but things change, people change so shut up. At least I don’t proclaim I’m gonna be “free” from it then use it a lot the next day.

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