Nancy’s review of this year

So, the year hasn’t ended officially, but my new year is around the corner, that is October 31,  since I have so many things that happened to me, I’m going to write about them now so they will be quiet and let me do other stuff.

As you know I was dating this person, she didn’t make it into the ex list, for a variety of reasons not to be discussed, so, I sprained my ankle one day before she graciously broke up with me, I pushed her to tell me what was going on..anyway, that of course pissed me off cos wtf woman? Don’t act all nice and shit and then do that, BUT as with all things in life, this came with a lesson, I think the cherry on the cake of a lesson AND a brand new one, so I am very happy things happened as they did after all, cos otherwise.. I wouldn’t be on this new..place? stage? step? level?

Nummer 1: The whole dating thing, I was used to crappyness so whenever I’d meet someone who was less crappy, I found myself thinking “Ah..so people can be actually nicer than X..I see” and each time they were nicer and it just hit me…being super nice and treating me like a god damn princess is the MINIMUM, not the most amazing things I could expect but the fucking given, minimum!! I remember being so happy when I was with L cos she was all nice and shit, like bitch, they gotta be nice and lovely all the damn time, I mean not all the time every waking hour, but it shouldn’t be such a novelty for a gf/person you’re dating, to treat you right and stuff.

That was the part this person who I dated cleared the most for me, I thought I had it but no, I was still settling, much less, but still, I would still try and “be open” and shit just to be ok with someone, well FUCK THAT, I’m super fine as I am and whoever doesn’t like that is welcomed not to and to go away, we ain’t here to fucking adapt to people, this doesn’t mean I hate people again or anything.

The second part..the hardest, with the sprained ankle came a lot of frustration, anger and sadness, cos I was walking more and in general, I like to be able to walk you know? After the influenza I really appreciated the fact of being able to leave the fucking house.  So, I had to slow down, it gave me a lot of time to think…I think how I am doing in my life now corresponds as how I am re-learning to use my feet, my body, say, I got rid of supportive shoes cos I want my feet muscles to work, be strong, be as they are meant to, I, for the first time in my life, finally, came to good terms with the alcohol thing, yes, I did drink more and stuff I don’t even like just to put up with people.

But now, I do love beer, specially craft beer, so I’ll have 1-2 TOPS, and not often, cos that messes up my efforts at gym and tracking my macros/calories (got me a kitchen scale and a bathroom scale, a set of spoons and cups) and it tastes better when it’s less, now I will write it down in a controlled food log and everything is fine.

What about them friends now? Well… I used to see them often, get drunk often (or at least drink a lot) , now as you can imagine I barely see them and I have not got drunk, just at Jani’s party, but that was so much fun, but hangover lasted 2 days wtf. Do other things? Yeah that ain’t gonna happen, we may go to movies now and then, clubbing is out of the question, so is eating cos, bear with me, I KNOW people love eating meat and most won’t ever quit and even as much as I don’t like it I HAVE to accept it, I am done trying to change people, but I’m also done doing shit I don’t like so, I’d not hang out with a bunch of people who love to eat, eating a lot of dead animals, cos that makes me feel weird and I can simply not.

Supportive shoes= excess booze Minimalist shoes=1-2 drinks  that’s how I think it can be compared, of course I’m not still used to the new way my foot do thing, I’m working hard to be strong all over, it’ll be ok, specially now that I know. Another good thing is now I think of my whole body more, I pay more attention when training parts like my shoulders, back, I am more aware when working my legs too, it all just feels much better.

I’m excited about things to come, btw, being a freelancer is really the best, I’ve been tempted to write L just to tell her how wrong she was with that shit about having a fucking boring job to hate cos you can’t do cool stuff and get cash but that’s what people call petty and I won’t, but I’ve wanted to. xD

 

These pics? Just women I think are gorgeous and I THINK they have some similar traits, I’ve come closer to have a type yay! Still gotta properly date an Asian girl tho!

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The darkest hour

I didn’t know how to write “moment of truth” in a more dramatic manner so… Since I took a glimpse on stuff I wrote and thought,and pretended to think,and so on—.I decided to briefly expose my true feelings.

No,I don’t like weed,people can smoke a bit ok,but I would not enjoy having a gf who smokes,so hooray.

Same goes for other drugs, except alcohol,that one is fine when it’s not 2 bottles a day . xD

I don’t like men,I didn’t like it when I tried to date that guy,rebounds are not cool mmkay?

I am not always right and I make mistakes and I used to be very judgemental, I’m sorry about it.

I had been very mean,specially to myself, I am also sorry to those I was mean to,hope at least we all learned something.

I am truly sorry I used the word “love” when I shouldn’t.. I was trying really hard to convince myself that that was what was going on..but of course it wasn’t…me being in love has just happened 2 times in my life, I am not like a horrible person I was just very lost and emotionally unstable and scared and lonely.

I’m impressed at how many posts I consecrated to insult myself and put me down, like whoa! I am aware I disliked my appearance heavily cos it reflected the storm inside…but please don’t treat yourselves like that, love thyself!

I am very happy I got better,it may of taken me almost 32 years,but I got there..of course there is always room for improvement.

I am still open to new stuff,but I have clear limits and I won’t go over them for nothing.

Ain’t nobody got time to read all this.

I am ready now to offer to the world and to take accordingly. I can smile and breath deep.

I think that’s all for now,haha.

12006137_927424953972187_7940919935593328747_n

random romantic illustration  -coughs-

The train has left the station, destination is currently still unknown

So, following the past post, yeah I have no idea what the hell is going on, I think I like it, but I don’t see how any of the old things can fit in anymore..maybe they aren’t supposed to. Maybe that is exactly the god damn point. But being a first time it’s still weird as a ( vegan of course ) cat shaped cake ( so cute I couldn’t eat it probably )

I mean, I was looking after what I ate,but not as good as I could,now that I have clear goals ..I somehow ended up with 3 apps to aid me… lol that’s kinda silly I guess, but useful at least at first. One is for macros, I think I’m sticking to something around 50% carbs / 40% protein and 10% fat. It can of course vary somehow, I’m not gonna pull my hair over that,but it helps to see if overall I’m going on the right direction. I mean what’s with all this gym commitment and no caring for a proper nutrition right?

The 1-2 drinks , 1-2 days a week MAX rule is pretty good, I like it and shall abide to it, also I will permanently say no to like japanese style peanuts and that sorta thing,refined food and most things coming outta package, and those who do come out of one, will not have more than 5 ingredients and the first 3 of them can’t be sugar. Also,in case of emergency one can go out of their way a bit, like said, I was out with my mom,shopping for hours, and guess what? About 5 hours went by, I was unprepared and of course sooooo hungry,so I tried to choose wisely, I had some sushi filled with avocado and cucumber,rice and steamed veggies, it’s not something I would order usually but it’s much better than chinese food,so. There ya go,can’t go starving either.

So this makes going out a bit harder for me, haha, cause, it’s not only asking about any animal ingredient on that bread is also frowning cos it’s white bread ( that happened before this new life, worry not lol ) and now it’s asking about every single drink, do you add sugar to it? Can you please not do that? lol . This is where the Nancy apartheid comes in, how am I supposed to hang out with my friends? We mostly gathered to eat and drink, or drink,and last time we did that…you know how it went… I think the movies are a safe bet, of course hoping they won’t bring they gf’s along,I mean , I don’t wanna be the only one sitting on her own xD  it’s kinda weird…I prefer going alone,oh well, who knows how this will go.

For the rest… I don’t have any idea if she likes me or not,guess I’m gonna ask sometime in the future.  :3 It’d be nice if she did.

Also no new anime that has me thrilled, all of my shows ended.

Mikagura Gakuen was ,well Eruna-chan is my new favourite yuri girl, the ending was kinda open,but at least she remained gay so yay!

Hibike Euphonium… meh, I don’t even know what to think.

Kiniro Mosaic, honestly I loved the show but the ending seemed pretty bleak to me. dunno

So I guess I will finish Lagrange one,that seemed cool, the Chuunibyou and well reading mangas. Also I must catch up with tons of books .

I also must meditate on various things. Oh did I mention my food sales are going up? That THRILLS ME, cos I honestly wanna live from that, giving people a nice cruelty free option and well, I love cooking so :3

give wings to the sheep,cos that's how far away from da flock she's going.

give wings to the sheep,cos that’s how far she’s going from da flock

Random Nanceeh of The… month,week, who knows!?

So I’m gonna babble about stuff just because I can,and I usually do but this time is personal. Word by word.

Ok, first I wanna talk about protein shakes, there’s controversy about these, some people won’t take them because they aren’t natural or are too processed,( they are natural,just yeah processed then again,some have weird stuff some don’t, read labels ) that might be interesting but then again it offers great help to hit the protein mark that you desire or need. I don’t think regular people who don’t lift or do some tiring strength training activity should worry about this, at all. But truth is you may want the extra help to achieve a proper protein income to get your goals. I know people have a fixation on protein, specially if they know you are vegan , I’ve gained a decent amount of muscle mass , and I’ve been vegan for 2 years almost now,was a vegetarian before for about 13 years, the times when I did lose mass it was my own fault,for not eating enough calories/food/nutritious food and being lazy, I’ll be honest. I just took gym seriously past December,and my new total approach to it is merely 1 week old,so I will tell you it goes in about 1 or 2 months.

Mango-Blueberry-Smoothie_PS_2

Anyway back on the theme, I guess it comes down to a personal choice,as most things end up being… I do choose to take a protein shake with oats,blueberries,raspberries and/or strawberries and maybe a banana,a tablespoon of chia and 1 cup of vegetable milk. I feel fine and it’s satisfying, I can’t tell  you if it does make a difference,but it does at least in one aspect, I cook for my whole family and I love doing it!! But also, I try to make 5 meals a day, so I get bored if I didn’t cook many different things,hence I LOVE fruit, I just pack a lot and call it one meal down. So,when I’m tired from gym, I come home and have my shake, it’s delicious,and then I can relax,and have a small silly dinner,mostly veggies, about 2-3 hours before sleep,or else I won’t be hungry for breakfast. So do drink or do not drink protein shakes, at least those are like just concentrated protein sources, I don’t know nor do I care about BCAA’s or NO or anything like it,so I won’t say anything about those.

Another thing was this weekend, it was my first weekend not chain-drinking when I met with friends, I brought my 2 craft beers to the gathering,my own food,since it was hamburger day ( we usually meet up to eat,they had always included something we could all eat,since I’m the only vegan/non-meat eater even last time they made a 100% vegan dish !! ) but yesterday it was their turn,they wanted greasy burgers lol, so we had a hamburger day. I brought 2 chickpea+veggies patties and sunflower seed spread. It was…fine,well I have to admit it, I was shocked that one of my friends who was a vegetarian,then vegan,then vegetarian,then ate some sausages ,was eating the burgers..I mean sure, from a sausage to that it’s a simple step, people can do whatever they like, I just selfishly miss the one close person to me who I could share that aspect of my life. But none of that matters since at home it’s a a safe haven and my mom is happy being vegan.

Anyway I’m like going stray, the whole meeting was ok, I drank slowly,I played the videogames, the eating part was actually ok…EXCEPT for one thing, I know much better than getting upset at people’s comments,specially coming from a very playful person but.. I dunno,it just bothered me, I brought up my tupper ,and K asked what was that? cos it didn’t look like food,then S ( former veggie person ) said my sunflower seed spread tasted weird ( we had some last time she came home  ) and I was like… well yes,some “new” foods are different than the usual hot dogs and mayo and cheese, but it doesn’t mean they are “bad” , we just aren’t used to them, gee, I had never eaten a single kind of berry till I turned vegan,and now I love them.

So in short,it was ok but I am not gonna attend another meeting when it’s ALL meat time, I had attended several grilled reunions,those are much better! I just bring along my pan and then everyone can share the guacamole, heck,last time they all ate vegetarian chorizo!! So… I’m gonna stick with that cos otherwise I get uncomfy. On the drinking part, it was certainly different, I guess I just did things way too opposite from every single person then and that kinda left me feeling outta place. I think it’s all good cos it means even less chances for going out which means, better care of my body and mind and less spending. I’ll think about it all. Things are changing quite fast, I wonder where will this take me .

Kicking the bucket

I believe this is the proper expression when you quit something. Well I haven’t totally “quit” Facebook but… I found myself going back at the site,several times a day,well honestly kinda expecting something..I shall not discuss that with you people.

Anyway, I was like ok, enough,and left a message, “Not gonna be on FB, reach out by whatsapp” What happened? I got notifications on my cellphone .. Facebook inboxes… like freaking 4, if you are telling people you won’t be picking up the phone,but they can come to your house…they will start ringing like mad then? I don’t get it.

At any rate, I just see the inboxes in case it’s a request for vegan food ( I sell vegan tamales ) otherwise I don’t even read them, I am a bit pissed off people won’t use whatsapp or regular mail or a phone call or… are we soooooooo hooked up on the social networks that we can’t find another way to contact the ones we “love” and the ones we “care for” ? I use quotation marks cos if you cared so much  you wouldn’t need the freaking computer/tablet/smartphone in the first place… houses have doors and you can go knock.. ( I do dislike people showing up randomly though, but you know what I’m saying )

Right now I just wanna focus on me and keep doing what I’m doing and well, being ready for when ,if ,something happens.. ( hope it does ) so I’m not going to be dramatic and delete my account ( plus I need to leave that door open as well ) but I think checking it like once every 2 days should suffice, then I have myself with much more time to read, watch anime, play and work out,oh yes and cooking. Posting stuff on FaceBook has never actually helped anyone methinks. I enjoy writing here so much more.

So all in all, Facebook might be useful but it’s usually just gossip and bickering,so not in the mood for it right now.

I don’t know about Twitter, I only use it to link this blog to the FB so it posts automatically .

facebook-addicted-social-networking-games-friends-dating

And none can call me a hypocrite, cos yes, I enjoyed using it a lot, but things change, people change so shut up. At least I don’t proclaim I’m gonna be “free” from it then use it a lot the next day.

First and last Bday party

So I had an attempt of a birthday party, well a pre-birthday party actually… it was rather interesting, cos I suspected from the beginning that it would not turn out as I could of had expected, I made things very clear from the beginning, I think they got it all wrong ,cos I wasn’t good delivering my message, I didn’t want to impose my music taste , I wanted to share it, to let people see what it was like when I was alone I guess, what kind of things I liked… it was not the best idea, I mean some people didn’t complain, amazingly cos honestly I expected them to be more closed, so nice for that, some well didn’t complain but made a lot of jokes..which yes was annoying, but a good friend told me not to get mad cos it was hard to listen to new things while drinking,at a party,etc.. which may be true,,but you don’t see me giving people crap for their music..except banda, I fucking hate it, then again no one appreciates it that I try and endure that kind of music all the time in sake of being around my friends, I don’t make them listen to my stuff,except now and then, I show them a video or some shit.. meh,that was me trying to broaden my taste and be less closed.

Also I invited tons of people, like 52, in reality I think if we were 25 it was a lot, and many didn’t last, I guess they didn’t like the music… that was…weird… I felt quite offended, then again those who stayed were fine, till  they were like “your party is over,can we play something else?” whoa excuse me, I asked of everyone to bear with me for one freaking night,if you can’t make room in your damn brain for new things and have to hurry to get back into your comfort zone…well that is pretty lame.

I got an Arch Enemy T-shirt! as all metal bands T-shirts is tad too big,but I love it nonetheless, I’m wearing it now,I got a Duff beer T-shirt too  :3  and 2 bottles of alcohol… which is pretty amusing cos I drank yesterday and I’m not drinking till the 25th a little for the dinner,I am gonna drink like twice a month,and not massively, I am taking gym seriously now, also I spend too much on alcohol. so there ya go,less ocassions for me to go and have to put up with stuff I don’t like.

Man I’m between pissed off and dissapointed… so much for trying to be flexible, and hello ipod that I will carry around all the time,see who makes who listen to what.

Sleepless nights

That’s all I’ve been getting, that and when I do sleep it’s like 14+ hours… between the illness and my… I don’t know if it’s like a depression or I am just plain sick and tired of the same crap, no wait, mostly it’s new crap that really amazes me… in a bad way, very bad. Watching “The Hichhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”..too tired to keep watching, but I’m so aggg sweating and dizzy and thinking that Imma finish later… oh zombie afternoons at local library… :3

So… I was thinking, if I EVER have a girlfriend ,she should comply to at least … some of these :

Speak english*

Be intelligent*

Be kinda geeky

Like video-games

Like Horror movies

Like cats/animals

Be a bit jealous but not maniac *

Be cute, (what *I* consider cute of course )*

Sexually agressive or at least like to have some*

Like to read/learn*

Like  Anime

Like/know how to cook

Appreciate good things,people and actions*

Have pretty lips and eyes *

Like/have/not mind  tattoos*

Drink  Beer & ____  *

Like to have fun*

Like to watch movies at home

Likes to & kissing good*

Write as properly as possible  *

Be able to talk about serious stuff    *

Be loving *

Be honest & faithful*

Like Nature

It’s all I can think of … she doesn’t have to do/like ALL those things, some are a must yes, ok most are required haha, then again, as it is, I’ll end up dating some asshole who can’t even type and treats me like shit…what wait, no, no more of that, I deserve much fucking better and even If I shall remain ,truly, FOREVER alone… I shan’t conform!!!! These lips are warded  against any unwanted intruders, no one is getting any until I am at least a bit convinced she’s decent.  u_u

So… I think I’m gonna lay down and try to sleep, I hate it when I have to lose massive sleep cos I can’t stop thinking and then when I can…oh well… oh and I don’t think I’m going on any trip anytime soon… we went from “yeh come already meet me,I can’t wait!!” to “well,I don’t know…we’ll see” but hey it’s fine… people get like that sometimes I guess, gonna be good and be quiet about it, of course not hoping much, hmmm..

I gotta take care of my tooth and shit… I am close to drop these jeans cos they are literally dropping a lot now :3 that pleases me… even when people think I don’t do shit… I believe no one “buys” the fact that I go to gym just cos I’m not super hot…well people took me a very stupid and horrible relationship of about 2 years to get those 20 kilograms on, 6 months are starting to show my hard work but I need some more time… just some more fat to go, I think this time… say 2-3 months, dunno, but maybe I am gonna really not gonna show up at lesbothings anymore until that happens..with my new tooth and my old clothes…  Gonna show them who the hell I am ,and for fuck sake, I got so mad,they put up pictures in fucking facebook again, I fucking asked them not to… see who goes to their parties! Not me. u_u

Whoa,much more blogging less chatting up.. Yeh , I’m fairly overwhelmed…uggg my head..ok that’ll be it… for now.

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