Mind over matter

So, I can somehow easily overdo things, and go to extremes, been there done that a lot, I am finding a healthy middle point for many things in my life, I’m still struggling with food and that is what this post is about.

Keeping track on what you eat and nutrition is ok, like minding what you eat, but restricting certain food or, even worse, not wanting to eat this or that cos you can’t weigh it in the moment? Now that’s a bit too obsessive, and in the past I’ve had some issues with that, either slamming down 15-20 tacos in a sitting. 3-4 liters of soda, this of course has made me a bit wary and then I just stopped it all altogether. I’ve tried many things, paleo, counting calories, not counting anything,some crazy ass diets, some ok diets but boring as fuck, I haven’t eaten toast for years cos I got so sick of it lol.

So, I don’t wanna be all care free and just eat crap, I do work out cos I wanna look good and stuff, aye some vanity there, I see no harm in it, a little bit of course, not posing on the mirror all day long, fack, I don’t even like mirrors xD , I just want to chill a damn lot, thinking about how many calories more I have to eat ( my usual problem is I don’t eat enough,well trying to eat less carbs and being vegan leads to that you see?) heck, sometimes I finish food just cos I “need” X quantity to hit my goal for protein or fat or whatever.  Eating something I don’t wanna eat for those reasons made me think maybe this ain’t good lol.

It was so fucking good to just not mind that, yesterday I had some spring rolls with some sauce and a soda with my gf and everything was fine, I didn’t magically became obese or died lol, so I wanna be able to do that, sometimes just go out and eat stuff with people or alone or however, without worrying so much.

I will switch to this plan the vegetarian nutritionist gave me, it’s based on “equivalencies” , so 1/2 cup of legumes is one, a tortilla is one of cereals, etc, it’s still keeping and eye on things but way more relaxed, plus I’m not a real fan of cookies or chips or stuff so it’s all good, I have got me this meal reminder app though, cos I do tend to get distracted and forget to eat, so, will try that, of course gonna keep my 3 days at the gym, aiming to walk at least 3-4 kilometres daily ( modern society has us very sedentary ) and adding the yoga and insanity.

I already feel better, let’s see how this goes.

Level up soon + Str+10 Dex+10

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I remember when some friends tagged along to go to gym… never lasted. So, you must know I’ve been in and out of fitness/gym for some years now, this is the first time I am designing my own routine!! I am sick and tired of the 20+ repetitions really, it is good in the sense that is has given me the endurance to lift heavier now that I am doing the 8-12 range, I absolutely respect my coach but he’s been treating me too girly lately, I know, came back from Germany with about 16+ pounds ( you euro edible tasty candy coins!!) but enough is enough!

First of all I am back to My Fitness Pal, I set up what seems to be the best ratio of macros for me, following a mostly clean diet, considering calories BUT , not thinking 500 calories of pizza are the same as 500 calories of veggies and beans, cos it is not, even if it is the same number, come on!  Seriously limiting the drinks and the formerly known as cheat meals now known as treat meals will be monitored closely.

Then I took some exercises that I was given by my coach, some are staple like squats and deadlifts,  I arranged muscle groups in which I think it’s the best way ( did research of course) , wrote down simple rules to resting times and repetitions range and how to mix’em up. So I should have solid 4 months of this routine.

I of course added cardio, 10 warm up and 20-35 to finish, of course some days will have burpess, mountain climbers other sorts of things, but as basics we got that. Also going out more, if only to walk.

Let’s see how this goes, I think it’s best to start in December than in January, I officially started doing my own thing on the 7th but this is the first week with my written down agenda. I am sure either way it’ll be awesome cos any change I will see will be good, maybe even better than back in 2013. ( was leaner but didn’t have that much of a butt lol ) The most important thing is I am not fixing on it, or getting frustrated for slow results, these things take time.

 

 

 

Blow your mind

I am blowing my mind right now, Gods that sounds awful…but the upside of keeping to oneself is that you get to reflect upon your life and actions a lot, especially after you fuck up and lose someone, I do not say this in the traditional sense of “OMG what did I do wrong, I gots to fix it to get this person back!” Cos that is temporary, like cutting the weeds, I must instead look into the roots, the soil, otherwise the same problem or a similar one will just be there waiting to arise.

So, me being me, have started to read daily, ponder about life, meditate a bit, etc all those things that seems silly but actually do help a lot to clear the mind, you’d be surprised how much you can learn from not thinking,just not overthinking, not imagining things, just focusing on the moment and what do you want but, and this is key, not expecting anything to happen. I’ll provide links for more comprehensive articles about this but basically you give it your all to the things you do want, if they are meant to be then they will happen,come, come back, etc, if not, you are not expecting those things to occur in order for you to be happy, you can be happy while working for things you want, whether you get them or not.  For example, I do want to look super hot, sometimes I’ve got a bit fixated on the idea, cos the traces of being fat are a reminder of the time I was the most unhappy, I understand that, so what I think now every time I start to worry about it, I say to myself “Chill Nan, that takes a while, just enjoy being healthy enough to workout, eating well and one day you’ll look at the mirror and see amazing changes” and I do that whenever I am being silly. Works wonders!

Modern life teaches us to get a job, a career, to get more, more a dream lovelife, it gives us expectations and ideals, I’m not saying we just lay there and nod at what we have but, if we don’t like something, we may as well change it. Doing the same things and thinking it will bring different results is a definition of insanity, so, what I did was to sit tight and realize what I don’t like, example, being clingy, to ideas, to people, to goals, etc. Cos being like that makes me worry, which makes me insecure which makes me overthink, see how it goes? That is what led me to develop that mild eating disorder back then… Make no mistake, this used to be soooooo bad for me before, I was really really really clingy and insecure, it got better but this is the moment when that changes cos I honestly and sincerely got affected enough by losing this person, it was a wake up call, like a slap in the face with an iron goblet.  Do I want to talk to her again? Fuck yeah, but I am not expecting that to happen, if it does it’ll be awesome, if not well, I learned something invaluable. I am as of now living a freer life, can I say “freer”? it sounds weird AF.

The difference is that I am not doing this or changing this or learning new stuff just to “fix” things with a single, specific person,  I am doing this cos I do not like that part of me and cos my life is being much more better now that I practice this, hmm how to call it.. This approach.  I’ve felt peace of mind and all that, it’s really nice.  I’ll be 34 years old soon and a better me, how fucking awesome is that?

The song is unrelated to the subject but related to the title, it’s my new gym tune, along of course with “Shake it off” by Mrs. Swift.

So, enough self- reflecting today, will write later about pansexual people and all those weird things that seem to be on trend nowadays.

 

 

Ooopsie, I forgot to add the links, well this is the one I read most recently , Stop obsessing with what you want, there’s a lot more,  don’t think I go around giving flowers and sunshine in the streets lol, but I do cherry pick stuff that seems good for me, from all ideologies.

The Intervention ( 2016 )

What a movie, ladies and gentlemen! Ok long story short, 3 couples, 6 people plan an intervention for a married duo, since they seem to be getting along really bad, they are in this summer house, there’s a lesbian couple, a widow guy with a young lover, a sorta engaged couple and the said married couple arguing a lot.

What could go wrong right? … Ah someone has drinking problems, someone has commitment issues and the hell lot of them ain’t honest enough often enough.

I do not wish to spoil this movie for you, but there is this quote that just got through me, pierced my heart and came out bleeding with rejoice. I honestly don’t remember it EXACTLY, *slaps own wrist* but it goes along these lines :

“What if we can’t go back to what we were?” – Ruby
“Why don’t you try to make something new?” – Lola

I do know that feeling, of wanting to go back to the starting point, ( mostly in romantic relationships, can apply to other things as well ) to “when things were good”, but we often forget we change, we evolve, I do think there is a core essence in us that doesn’t change, but the things that may hold us back or be in some ways we may not like to be, those do change, so… isn’t it a bit ilogical to want to go back to be the person you were some months ago, or years? or to have the exact same relationship you had at the beginning? That would mean there is no progress, no evolution, no new understanding, (man I love it when movies make me think and realize shit.)

So, we change, the others change, the world changes, just gotta go with it and open up, for example in relationships, I do believe in trying to work out things and stuff, I do, but that requires, I think, to have a good conversation about the issue and to embrace the fact that things will not be the exact same, this will be new for both persons and it might be truly awesome, it may show both sides they didn’t think the other had, that they themselves had or it could also just show that is best not to be together at least at that specific time in life.

So, do watch the movie, expect a few laughs and it’s easier to stop resisting change, the more you wanna avoid something, usually the more it comes kicking you in the face so, right things come at right times, so do right people.  Try to think about the last time you felt a situation was hopeless and doomed, like really bad shit, think you would never be happy again and stuff maybe? Well, most likely you did so, it all passes.

All in all the acting is great, specially Annie, oh boy, she nailed it big time. I only disliked Lola’s voice but that’s totally biased subjective opinion.

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December and another age year is here

Kuuuh, I have the feeling 99% of people writing blogs have an entry for December/Holidays/New Year… my new year has passed, but still I do not ignore 2017, that’d be impractical and a bit weird… But this is more about me birthday, which is as everyone should know and remember, on the 22nd.

I used to hate Xmas cos no one remembered my b-day or it wasn’t relevant enough cos baby Jesus > baby me. It made me laugh to write that…I do not hate it at all anymore, but don’t expect me to sing them jingles eh. Anyway, I like to take this time to reflect upon my actions and my self, actually any moment is good, ESPECIALLY when showering, dat water makes all feel mystical and inspiring somehow. This is like the big one though, I’ll stop being 33 and pass to be 34… wow that sounds old, still in my heart I think I’m around 27-28 and thank heavens I also look around that age, don’t take me wrong, growing older is cool AF, but due to various reasons I feel I deserve those years “back” so to speak.

This was the year when I really started to connect more with myself, which somehow lead to me going out the least in the last 4 years, I like that to be honest, keeping to myself and mostly remaining home/going to gym. Oh yes I also fell off the gym wagon hard and got on it harder, that sounds so bad… I also met some wonderful people, I had a strong connection with someone that, at least for a while, won’t be around no more, maybe never again, nonetheless she helped me to change once and for all some behaviours that I had been dragging from my past and happened to give me one of the best birthday gifts ever to exist, you can see it on my Instagram, which of course you don’t know about but let me show ya

¡Gato!#catbracelet best birthday gift EVER ❤

A post shared by Nan (@katzedernacht22) on

 

So, as a first timer for me, I won’t just put it aside and not wear it cos this, what we had may be over for good, the intention when it was sent was for me to like it and I love it and I will treasure it for what it is, an awesome cat bracelet from someone who means a lot to me.

Speaking of keeping things, I am wearing the softest cotton boxers ever, that my ex left here, I also learned a lot from that one, mostly that I wouldn’t change to please anyone no more and I can’t just dish soft clothing so… most of the other stuff is gone though cos I decided that’d be the best and it was.

I also learned to put in practice the whole “letting go” thing, it is a bit easier said than done , as most things are but, it does bring peace of mind, it also exposes human flawed logic, trying hard not to lose someone and suffocating them will usually result in the exact opposite result as it would have to seem obvious but apparently it wasn’t, well not for me, now it is, I feel I finally got it and I just took that sack of worry off my back and build a little castle and let it sink in a lake..which is a metaphor.. I’d love to go to a lake though.. but you know what I mean right? This applies to other aspects in life as well, cling to money and be cheap and it’ll seem not to last as much, worry a lot about being fat and you’ll struggle ( cortisol is to blame too, you know that hormone..well it’s not nice!)

I spend much less time at the computer too, mostly cos it makes this freaking noise now and then… but that’ll stick, it is nice to have other things to do in the morning to be honest, sometimes gym, sometimes cooking, oh that too, I got back on the reading wagon, well that’s always been on and off, but now it’s ON, just today I read 70 pages off “Summer Knight” by Jim Butcher, yes it’s not so impressive but woot!!

Those cats are there cos… reflexive winter and cats,why not?

What else… well those things are major for me hehe, oh right, I’ve had this job for..what? 6 months now? at the chat support and I’ve landed some pretty cool side jobs, like transcribing these interviews, $200 made! I ended up crazy but so happy I can pull that off and not have to do it on a daily basis, we shouldn’t have to kill ourselves and drain our souls to live, there’s gotta be more to life than that and hell I am finding out about it!!

Well, got cool new music as well and I think I won’t worry about holiday’s weight gain cos.. I don’t ever really attend parties or meetings or posadas or anything…like at all, so how on earth could I over eat? and what? nothing is vegan except the special dinner we order haha, so hooray for me!

Hope you all learned a lot too and put into practice things as well, I wish you the best and to have nice moments with your loved ones and stuff.

elhorror

Totes happening to everyone else ha!   :p

 

 

Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum! Not really

So, I deliver 2 posts today, I’m on fire! not literally thankfully. I used to drink a bit too much on the weekends, I always tried to keep it cool but I think it was more of a habit?  I think it was, can habits be broken easily? I’ve read it’s hard but… I stopped doing real drugs at 22, so guess I can wisely choose on what I get inside my body and what not.

I’m not saying alcohol is as bad as cocaine but well it’s legal, easy to get, can be cheap and it’s a core part of many social gatherings. Don’t take me wrong, I’m not this newborn person totally against booze, but I have some priorities that have changed, and drinking beer daily in Germany was awesome, to try so many different ones, when I go again I still will have some, but not daily for sure!!  That was a one time thing.

The thing is that I meant it when I told my mom I had my eyes opened, it’s worthless to drink cheap industrial beer, it has no art in it, no heart, it’s not as drinking craft beer, from very small breweries… And alcohol makes the body put a pause on burning fat,  I want to be a fit person, I want to look like I eat right, watch my macronutrients, go to gym and sleep enough and that’s what I’m going to look like, I was close to it last year, but I went the wrong way with late eating on unwise choices ( tacos are not food from devil, but the best time to gorge in carbs is not late at night, it’s early and before going to workout ) and also I’m 33, I gotta keep a close eye on my stuff to look well and feel well.

So my new intake on drinking is this :

I drink say, 1 time every 2 weeks or so, I bring my own craft or imported ( German most likely ) beer 1 or 2 will be enough, I bring my bento box with cool food to avoid the fries or other not so healthy options. I like fries,I am not saying I’m never eating them, but I prefer to make them on my own, have them as my cheat meal , cos I know then it’s only potatoes, salt and oil, the commercial frozen ones usually have so many additives, even flour and milk. Why? beats me, must be cheaper.

No drinking alone, I did this sometimes, I was bored I realise now.  So, I am ok with drinking, I still love beer, but man, if I am going to have to take extra care on what I drink/eat not to mess up my progress, it will be with some respectable beer, not cheap silly one. Plus making it less often makes it more fun and special, like you can love some food, but eating it daily may make you be sick of it at least for a while. I think this also happened, I drank so much beer in Germany, now I’m like.. omg no, but to be honest I’d love to have a glass of rose wine! Since I got no one to share with I don’t but maybe for next meeting with friends we can have a glass of this!

PS Drinks, some more than others, make you hungry and if you drink more than 3 drinks you will start to not give a fack and eat all you want at the time, and since liver is busy with alcohol, that you eating will go to fat storage, totally what most people don’t want!

Yeah that’s my new vision, the food ya know, no bread and very little if any tortillas, priority to proteins and fats and choosing some fruits over others. Easy peasy. Good_FP_skt1

 

Beast

Bueno, es hora de una breve introspección a mi persona… en las pasadas vacaciones, que son las mejores que he tenido, empecé a entender muchas más cosas de mi, me detuve a pensar que haría habitualmente y no lo hacía.. y resultaba mejor, no se que tanto tenga que ver lo del cambio de año de los mayas y todo eso, pero verdadera y contundentemente que marco el inicio del cambio más significativo que he tenido, yo creo que nunca en mi vida. Estoy en un proceso super chido de depuración, tanto mental como física, es realmente… no es que me cueste, pero a veces se me va el pedo y me toma un poco agarrar la onda, pero eso está cambiando ya, de lo físico pues ya saben, vegan style, no más comida procesada ( que bueno en situación de emergencia me comí un cuernito , porque en serio no había más nada, eso si carne no, así me muera, pero ya estamos bien ) hoy empiezo a prepararme para una carrera a campo traviesa con obstáculos y demás, y en un reto grupal de 60 días de mejora física siguiendo un régimen vegano. Ahora en lo mental, bueno estoy identificando conductas que no me sirven, no me gustan y/o me causan problemas y ya en la práctica controlarlas si se puede antes que surjan y si no pararlas en seco. Mi mente está abierta y quiere expanderse, eso si, hay cosas que de fijo no me interesa ni conocer, como el poliamor , yo respeto y todo, pero venga, que esté abierta al mundo no quiere decir que vaya y haga todo . Uno debe escuchar a su cuerpo y a su corazón,ja eso sono muy acá, pero es neta, y si ninguna cosa es para siempre, pero eso no significa que no podamos hacer que sea super awesome lo que dure y cuidarlo para que dure un buen.

Aparte de eso… humm bueno eso es lo que está pasando… y me encanta.

PD que no supe que poner de título ¬¬

 

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