My head is a jungle (jungle, jungle)

Those are actually lyrics from this song… “jungle” by Emma Louise ..saw it on this ad for black opium perfume,anyway it works for my post too!

So a friend is briefly back from Australia, we met with the other 2 friends, I haven’t seen any since this one friend left, she was our pillar, I always said that, while it was nice to see them again…

Things haven’t changed at all in this year, we ended up talking about the very same things, making me remember why I didn’t see them for so long, I ended up drinking way too much ( for what I drink now) cos it was the only way I felt supa comfy and , yeah that’s lame eh, but again, at least I can better understand now why things are like that, so I didn’t get drunk but I did go well pass over my calories.

People say to move on, and let go, when you overeat/drink, I personally think : “Sure, you shouldn’t beat yourself up” but it doesn’t mean you just move on and don’t try to fix it, I went over by 830 freaking calories, so the next day, I ate 630 calories less than what is on my “schedule” this means today I can “save” only about 100, tomorrow another 100 less and then it balances out. Most people wouldn’t do that, but I’m lucky to work at home so I can and I did, this means hitting the gym on Saturday which is totally ok, so now I can really move on with that. Not forgetting what I told my returning friend, most people bore me when I’m sober and I wanna hang out with people I can stand sober.

Even if this means not hanging out at all, please refer to my previous post Say

Me may meet on Saturday, if we do, I’ll bring my own craft beer and have 2 and be done with it. As we speak, well, as I write I’m eating yummy fruit and checking Cinema for tickets for Nanoha movie, but no luck  u.u

Tomorrow shall be a day to watch all the new anime episodes!!

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a NanoFate illustration for no reason at all!!!!

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Anime to watch season 2018

Let’s see, I make this list mostly for myself cos I lose track..

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First of all I have to catch up with Dragon Ball Super and Fate/ Apocrypha ugh

 

1.-  Citrus

2.- Ito Junji collection

3.- Yuuki Yuuna Hero blah blah

4.-  Takunomi

5.- Hitori no shita: the outcast 2nd season

6.- Card captor sakura hen

7.-  Nanatsu no taizai

8. killing bites

9.- Hakata Tonkotsu Ramens

10 .  Mahoutsukai no yome

11.- Poppuetipiki (spelling)

12.-  Nanatsu no bitoki

13.-   Fate/Extra last encore

14.- Slow start

 

 

JESUS, when am I going to watch all this?!

 

 

Nancy’s review of this year

So, the year hasn’t ended officially, but my new year is around the corner, that is October 31,  since I have so many things that happened to me, I’m going to write about them now so they will be quiet and let me do other stuff.

As you know I was dating this person, she didn’t make it into the ex list, for a variety of reasons not to be discussed, so, I sprained my ankle one day before she graciously broke up with me, I pushed her to tell me what was going on..anyway, that of course pissed me off cos wtf woman? Don’t act all nice and shit and then do that, BUT as with all things in life, this came with a lesson, I think the cherry on the cake of a lesson AND a brand new one, so I am very happy things happened as they did after all, cos otherwise.. I wouldn’t be on this new..place? stage? step? level?

Nummer 1: The whole dating thing, I was used to crappyness so whenever I’d meet someone who was less crappy, I found myself thinking “Ah..so people can be actually nicer than X..I see” and each time they were nicer and it just hit me…being super nice and treating me like a god damn princess is the MINIMUM, not the most amazing things I could expect but the fucking given, minimum!! I remember being so happy when I was with L cos she was all nice and shit, like bitch, they gotta be nice and lovely all the damn time, I mean not all the time every waking hour, but it shouldn’t be such a novelty for a gf/person you’re dating, to treat you right and stuff.

That was the part this person who I dated cleared the most for me, I thought I had it but no, I was still settling, much less, but still, I would still try and “be open” and shit just to be ok with someone, well FUCK THAT, I’m super fine as I am and whoever doesn’t like that is welcomed not to and to go away, we ain’t here to fucking adapt to people, this doesn’t mean I hate people again or anything.

The second part..the hardest, with the sprained ankle came a lot of frustration, anger and sadness, cos I was walking more and in general, I like to be able to walk you know? After the influenza I really appreciated the fact of being able to leave the fucking house.  So, I had to slow down, it gave me a lot of time to think…I think how I am doing in my life now corresponds as how I am re-learning to use my feet, my body, say, I got rid of supportive shoes cos I want my feet muscles to work, be strong, be as they are meant to, I, for the first time in my life, finally, came to good terms with the alcohol thing, yes, I did drink more and stuff I don’t even like just to put up with people.

But now, I do love beer, specially craft beer, so I’ll have 1-2 TOPS, and not often, cos that messes up my efforts at gym and tracking my macros/calories (got me a kitchen scale and a bathroom scale, a set of spoons and cups) and it tastes better when it’s less, now I will write it down in a controlled food log and everything is fine.

What about them friends now? Well… I used to see them often, get drunk often (or at least drink a lot) , now as you can imagine I barely see them and I have not got drunk, just at Jani’s party, but that was so much fun, but hangover lasted 2 days wtf. Do other things? Yeah that ain’t gonna happen, we may go to movies now and then, clubbing is out of the question, so is eating cos, bear with me, I KNOW people love eating meat and most won’t ever quit and even as much as I don’t like it I HAVE to accept it, I am done trying to change people, but I’m also done doing shit I don’t like so, I’d not hang out with a bunch of people who love to eat, eating a lot of dead animals, cos that makes me feel weird and I can simply not.

Supportive shoes= excess booze Minimalist shoes=1-2 drinks  that’s how I think it can be compared, of course I’m not still used to the new way my foot do thing, I’m working hard to be strong all over, it’ll be ok, specially now that I know. Another good thing is now I think of my whole body more, I pay more attention when training parts like my shoulders, back, I am more aware when working my legs too, it all just feels much better.

I’m excited about things to come, btw, being a freelancer is really the best, I’ve been tempted to write L just to tell her how wrong she was with that shit about having a fucking boring job to hate cos you can’t do cool stuff and get cash but that’s what people call petty and I won’t, but I’ve wanted to. xD

 

These pics? Just women I think are gorgeous and I THINK they have some similar traits, I’ve come closer to have a type yay! Still gotta properly date an Asian girl tho!

Mind over matter

So, I can somehow easily overdo things, and go to extremes, been there done that a lot, I am finding a healthy middle point for many things in my life, I’m still struggling with food and that is what this post is about.

Keeping track on what you eat and nutrition is ok, like minding what you eat, but restricting certain food or, even worse, not wanting to eat this or that cos you can’t weigh it in the moment? Now that’s a bit too obsessive, and in the past I’ve had some issues with that, either slamming down 15-20 tacos in a sitting. 3-4 liters of soda, this of course has made me a bit wary and then I just stopped it all altogether. I’ve tried many things, paleo, counting calories, not counting anything,some crazy ass diets, some ok diets but boring as fuck, I haven’t eaten toast for years cos I got so sick of it lol.

So, I don’t wanna be all care free and just eat crap, I do work out cos I wanna look good and stuff, aye some vanity there, I see no harm in it, a little bit of course, not posing on the mirror all day long, fack, I don’t even like mirrors xD , I just want to chill a damn lot, thinking about how many calories more I have to eat ( my usual problem is I don’t eat enough,well trying to eat less carbs and being vegan leads to that you see?) heck, sometimes I finish food just cos I “need” X quantity to hit my goal for protein or fat or whatever.  Eating something I don’t wanna eat for those reasons made me think maybe this ain’t good lol.

It was so fucking good to just not mind that, yesterday I had some spring rolls with some sauce and a soda with my gf and everything was fine, I didn’t magically became obese or died lol, so I wanna be able to do that, sometimes just go out and eat stuff with people or alone or however, without worrying so much.

I will switch to this plan the vegetarian nutritionist gave me, it’s based on “equivalencies” , so 1/2 cup of legumes is one, a tortilla is one of cereals, etc, it’s still keeping and eye on things but way more relaxed, plus I’m not a real fan of cookies or chips or stuff so it’s all good, I have got me this meal reminder app though, cos I do tend to get distracted and forget to eat, so, will try that, of course gonna keep my 3 days at the gym, aiming to walk at least 3-4 kilometres daily ( modern society has us very sedentary ) and adding the yoga and insanity.

I already feel better, let’s see how this goes.

Level up soon + Str+10 Dex+10

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I remember when some friends tagged along to go to gym… never lasted. So, you must know I’ve been in and out of fitness/gym for some years now, this is the first time I am designing my own routine!! I am sick and tired of the 20+ repetitions really, it is good in the sense that is has given me the endurance to lift heavier now that I am doing the 8-12 range, I absolutely respect my coach but he’s been treating me too girly lately, I know, came back from Germany with about 16+ pounds ( you euro edible tasty candy coins!!) but enough is enough!

First of all I am back to My Fitness Pal, I set up what seems to be the best ratio of macros for me, following a mostly clean diet, considering calories BUT , not thinking 500 calories of pizza are the same as 500 calories of veggies and beans, cos it is not, even if it is the same number, come on!  Seriously limiting the drinks and the formerly known as cheat meals now known as treat meals will be monitored closely.

Then I took some exercises that I was given by my coach, some are staple like squats and deadlifts,  I arranged muscle groups in which I think it’s the best way ( did research of course) , wrote down simple rules to resting times and repetitions range and how to mix’em up. So I should have solid 4 months of this routine.

I of course added cardio, 10 warm up and 20-35 to finish, of course some days will have burpess, mountain climbers other sorts of things, but as basics we got that. Also going out more, if only to walk.

Let’s see how this goes, I think it’s best to start in December than in January, I officially started doing my own thing on the 7th but this is the first week with my written down agenda. I am sure either way it’ll be awesome cos any change I will see will be good, maybe even better than back in 2013. ( was leaner but didn’t have that much of a butt lol ) The most important thing is I am not fixing on it, or getting frustrated for slow results, these things take time.

 

 

 

Blow your mind

I am blowing my mind right now, Gods that sounds awful…but the upside of keeping to oneself is that you get to reflect upon your life and actions a lot, especially after you fuck up and lose someone, I do not say this in the traditional sense of “OMG what did I do wrong, I gots to fix it to get this person back!” Cos that is temporary, like cutting the weeds, I must instead look into the roots, the soil, otherwise the same problem or a similar one will just be there waiting to arise.

So, me being me, have started to read daily, ponder about life, meditate a bit, etc all those things that seems silly but actually do help a lot to clear the mind, you’d be surprised how much you can learn from not thinking,just not overthinking, not imagining things, just focusing on the moment and what do you want but, and this is key, not expecting anything to happen. I’ll provide links for more comprehensive articles about this but basically you give it your all to the things you do want, if they are meant to be then they will happen,come, come back, etc, if not, you are not expecting those things to occur in order for you to be happy, you can be happy while working for things you want, whether you get them or not.  For example, I do want to look super hot, sometimes I’ve got a bit fixated on the idea, cos the traces of being fat are a reminder of the time I was the most unhappy, I understand that, so what I think now every time I start to worry about it, I say to myself “Chill Nan, that takes a while, just enjoy being healthy enough to workout, eating well and one day you’ll look at the mirror and see amazing changes” and I do that whenever I am being silly. Works wonders!

Modern life teaches us to get a job, a career, to get more, more a dream lovelife, it gives us expectations and ideals, I’m not saying we just lay there and nod at what we have but, if we don’t like something, we may as well change it. Doing the same things and thinking it will bring different results is a definition of insanity, so, what I did was to sit tight and realize what I don’t like, example, being clingy, to ideas, to people, to goals, etc. Cos being like that makes me worry, which makes me insecure which makes me overthink, see how it goes? That is what led me to develop that mild eating disorder back then… Make no mistake, this used to be soooooo bad for me before, I was really really really clingy and insecure, it got better but this is the moment when that changes cos I honestly and sincerely got affected enough by losing this person, it was a wake up call, like a slap in the face with an iron goblet.  Do I want to talk to her again? Fuck yeah, but I am not expecting that to happen, if it does it’ll be awesome, if not well, I learned something invaluable. I am as of now living a freer life, can I say “freer”? it sounds weird AF.

The difference is that I am not doing this or changing this or learning new stuff just to “fix” things with a single, specific person,  I am doing this cos I do not like that part of me and cos my life is being much more better now that I practice this, hmm how to call it.. This approach.  I’ve felt peace of mind and all that, it’s really nice.  I’ll be 34 years old soon and a better me, how fucking awesome is that?

The song is unrelated to the subject but related to the title, it’s my new gym tune, along of course with “Shake it off” by Mrs. Swift.

So, enough self- reflecting today, will write later about pansexual people and all those weird things that seem to be on trend nowadays.

 

 

Ooopsie, I forgot to add the links, well this is the one I read most recently , Stop obsessing with what you want, there’s a lot more,  don’t think I go around giving flowers and sunshine in the streets lol, but I do cherry pick stuff that seems good for me, from all ideologies.

The Intervention ( 2016 )

What a movie, ladies and gentlemen! Ok long story short, 3 couples, 6 people plan an intervention for a married duo, since they seem to be getting along really bad, they are in this summer house, there’s a lesbian couple, a widow guy with a young lover, a sorta engaged couple and the said married couple arguing a lot.

What could go wrong right? … Ah someone has drinking problems, someone has commitment issues and the hell lot of them ain’t honest enough often enough.

I do not wish to spoil this movie for you, but there is this quote that just got through me, pierced my heart and came out bleeding with rejoice. I honestly don’t remember it EXACTLY, *slaps own wrist* but it goes along these lines :

“What if we can’t go back to what we were?” – Ruby
“Why don’t you try to make something new?” – Lola

I do know that feeling, of wanting to go back to the starting point, ( mostly in romantic relationships, can apply to other things as well ) to “when things were good”, but we often forget we change, we evolve, I do think there is a core essence in us that doesn’t change, but the things that may hold us back or be in some ways we may not like to be, those do change, so… isn’t it a bit ilogical to want to go back to be the person you were some months ago, or years? or to have the exact same relationship you had at the beginning? That would mean there is no progress, no evolution, no new understanding, (man I love it when movies make me think and realize shit.)

So, we change, the others change, the world changes, just gotta go with it and open up, for example in relationships, I do believe in trying to work out things and stuff, I do, but that requires, I think, to have a good conversation about the issue and to embrace the fact that things will not be the exact same, this will be new for both persons and it might be truly awesome, it may show both sides they didn’t think the other had, that they themselves had or it could also just show that is best not to be together at least at that specific time in life.

So, do watch the movie, expect a few laughs and it’s easier to stop resisting change, the more you wanna avoid something, usually the more it comes kicking you in the face so, right things come at right times, so do right people.  Try to think about the last time you felt a situation was hopeless and doomed, like really bad shit, think you would never be happy again and stuff maybe? Well, most likely you did so, it all passes.

All in all the acting is great, specially Annie, oh boy, she nailed it big time. I only disliked Lola’s voice but that’s totally biased subjective opinion.

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