Red string of fate revisited

Well..things have changed since last time I wrote about this subject. I still believe there are souls made to meet and have a sorta long lasting fulfilling relationship, I just think that it’s much much less likely than what I thought and that , at least for me, when I’ve felt such a strong connection and feelings, in the end it was just the universe showing me the things I had to/wanted to change and gave me a way to do it so ( check mirror law ) , I am thankful and all, I truly grow a lot each passing day, but it’s a bit disheartening that such a amazing, out of this world state of feelings was a mean to an end, to learn something and to be better and change and stuff.

So.. whereas I think it’s super cool to meet the souls you have to meet and learn from each other, I don’t think all of us have this twin spark, this soul mate. Cos when something had felt so incredibly real and it turns out it wasn’t that…  you stop believing ( at least for a while I think ) so maybe for some of us it’s like this, to be “alone” but that kind of alone is ok when you do have friends and family.  I really think i’m too much to handle, not only cos of some character flaws which can be “fixed” when you fix the underneath actual problem, but  to actually accept me as I am..with my views of the world and how I conduct myself… definitely not fitting  standard social roles or parameters..  I don’t think that’s possible. So I am fine with it, cos ,well , I thought I had met someone who could, but mm well, it wasn’t like that…so… but I am not going to change to make others happy or cos “it’s how things should be” so…

I guess that is it.  More fun posts will come, eventually, when everything is, well.. more fun, I am not here sulking all day haha, but well, some days are better than others, but it’s all good, it will be good in the end.

nicomaki

Anime and manga, giving me unrealistic ideas of eternal love since 1998. LOL

 

Up & Down,High & Low

… -breathes heavily-  sometimes I think I am very close to successfully get you out of my mind, it’s not like I want to entirely forget you, just this feelings I connect to the human being that is you.  But unlike movies and books I can’t choose how this goes, it’s like that song from Florence and the Machine “You can’t choose what stays and what fades away”.  I mean you can kind of, but… in the end, some street corner, some german name of some beer, some rainy spot makes me think of what it was and stopped being and maybe never was, useless? Hell yeah, but it still happens, and..well it makes me angry sometimes that I can’t quickly shake it off and just exile you from me, I don’t try to deny it, I will follow through cos maybe it’s the only way to a complete heal, but man sometimes it’s driving me nuts, I think I’m doing so well and then I have this stupid ass memory or a dream or a thought and it just crumbles down, I am aware, I know it’s ok for things to end, to not work, sometimes we just meet to show others what they need to change/fix/improve… but it’s not always that easy.

Mostly I want to play it cool, I don’t think you’ll ever read this, but god dammit I miss you sometimes so fucking bad, then I think about some other stuff and I carefully remind myself of how it all changed and I get mad cos you couldn’t be a bit clearer a bit sooner.

I… Ah I’m just so tired, I know love changes and people are bound to meet and well, maybe I do have someone to spend a very good part of my life with, romantically that is, or maybe not, I just can’t completely get over the fact it wasn’t you. It felt so damn real, I was really sure.  At the moment I just want to be left alone, I truly believe I am meant to be alone, I can’t keep on doing this, 2 times is enough for me to find out someone can love me till they get to really know me. I seriously have no desire for this to ever happen again.

Ok, all out, all good. This will take time, maybe a long time, but it’s ok, in the end I am happy we met and all, i am happy I met all the people in my life, no matter how things started or ended.  I just somehow wish you had stayed around longer. Liking me as i am of course, not …well.

 

 

 

Goals for next birthday ( or before it )

1.- Buy a freaking gaming PC where I can run Diablo III smoothly.

2.- Lower body fat to around 19-21 %

3.- Buy new smartphone to play Pokemon Go

4.- Buy Nintendo 3DS to play Pokemon X/Y

5.- Be hottest than a stellar fusion.

6.- Truly enjoy being single

7.- Never to consider move in or live with a possible future gf ( if I do have a future gf she’s gonna have to be really supa awesome ). Noppers.

 

CA

Offline

I didn’t log on Facebook or connected my phone to the Internet for a whole weekend. It was something I wanted to try out, being disconnected, since we live in this era when we are all the time getting so much information.

It was..weird, it caused me some anxiety, but also I got to totally focus on what I was doing, whether it was attending a serial killer exhibit ( awesome by the way!) or laughing with friends about bad restaurant service.

I think I like blogging more now and I liked it a lot already, so you may read more of my things more often.

If you like anime I’ve got to recommend these new titles airing this season :

Ange Vergie = World destruction,power, fan service, humour.

Love,Live! Sunshine! = more school idols, it’s kinda good.

Qualidea code = AWESOME music, funny and cool fighting.

The outcast : Chinese webcomic inspired, zombies and ki. Cool gal with knives.

 

It’s alright being an adult

A combination of my favourite song and my latest coming of terms with life. Brilliant!

I have to confess I always linked being an adult with being a boring person who hated their job, had a ton of bills to pay and had no joy. This can of course be true,  but I just realised it can also mean to be someone who can do well on their own, have the means to, for example, enjoy activities, go to places, upgrade a PC, buy glasses, etc.

It can be a mixture of responsibility  and common sense and fun, I don’t know why I was fixated on the idea that one can’t exist with the other, certainly this modern society burdens us with the idea of what a proper adult is, someone with their own car, buying a house to pay in 30 years, in other words is living a life imposed on “how things should be” but we as humans tend to do this throughout our lives.

I firmly believe you can do it all, yes you start with a job that may not make you passionate but it’s very nice and you get a nice payment ( I am of course speaking of myself here ) which allows you to get money to : buy things you need, save up, keep looking for that dream job ( translation agency!!) and further prepare yourself  ( I’m looking at you CAE test ) so being an adult for me means realising this, doing my best effort on all the things I do, even if it’s not my favourite things, cos such things bring me closer to the things I do want ! It’s also admitting maybe you relied too much on others, but this only made you more aware of how much there is left to learn, luckily I am a fast learner .

I have a brighter view on life, I have been thinking long and hard about my future and my life, something I avoided wildly not long ago, and… it’s alright, it’s not scary anymore, anything I want to do, I know I can, I know I am a fucking capable person and that is something that will always be true!

It also implies to keep your word and respect when others need time.

Nothing to ponder about life like seeing  this Tesseract.

Tesseract.gif

 

Witty title not found

I usually find cool titles for my posts… this is an exception, so let’s get on with it. Things are ever changing, we know that, sometimes we just kind of have it blasted in our faces, maybe it’s the universe’s way to make sure you do notice!

I’ll be cryptic enough and say that life gives you rare chances to “walk the walk” or is it “walk the talk “? I don’t understand this idiom so well… Anywho, like you can say, express, verbalize, how much support and understanding and patience you can have, but then times come when you get to show it. That’s priceless and one must make the best of it. Give time enough time to set things where they go. So if you meet that chance, stick to all you said and be there, be patient.

Now, you know I’ve been struggling with the whole fitness/fat loss thing, well, I’ve lost 3 kilograms, of what I think it’s fat,yay, but I am not logging my food anymore, I am keeping mind of portions, using cups and my hand as a measure, but not weighing the meals anymore because it’s became too much, too much time thinking about what can “fit” the room for macros aka carbs, protein, fat.  Thinking ahead so much is unnatural I think, as it is to mindlessly dwell into anything just cos you’re hungry. This uneasy feeling when not being able to properly write down exactly what you ate.

Sure it helps to do it for a while, to get a feel of how well you are doing, I tend to undereat, so you can see this, but I am now just going by the vegetarian nutritional pyramid , I know what a portion of each food is, so  I just think “ok 4 portions of fruit, 4 of veggies, 4 of grains and legumes” that’s much simpler, because well, I still have to mind what I eat for the results I want, I was pretty fit a while ago, I want that, I never had abs per se, but my stomach was flat, and if I remember well, I did not log my food, I just ate mostly natural food, at least 4 times a day and I worked out very hard. So cleanish eating + working out.

I’ll keep some useful guideliness though, like limiting alcohol to once every 2 weeks or so,keeping it at 1. Not to overdo the tacos, those can be once every 2 weeks too. Almost no carbs at night.

I already feel less anxious so this can only be good, and for all other things, everything is fine and will be fine, eventually works out like that.

Just to brag, I got Hyper fury X RAM for my PC.

PS Watch “Salvage” movie from 2006, it’s sort of low budget, VERY good.

vegan-plantbased-diet-holavegan

 

 

 

Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum! Not really

So, I deliver 2 posts today, I’m on fire! not literally thankfully. I used to drink a bit too much on the weekends, I always tried to keep it cool but I think it was more of a habit?  I think it was, can habits be broken easily? I’ve read it’s hard but… I stopped doing real drugs at 22, so guess I can wisely choose on what I get inside my body and what not.

I’m not saying alcohol is as bad as cocaine but well it’s legal, easy to get, can be cheap and it’s a core part of many social gatherings. Don’t take me wrong, I’m not this newborn person totally against booze, but I have some priorities that have changed, and drinking beer daily in Germany was awesome, to try so many different ones, when I go again I still will have some, but not daily for sure!!  That was a one time thing.

The thing is that I meant it when I told my mom I had my eyes opened, it’s worthless to drink cheap industrial beer, it has no art in it, no heart, it’s not as drinking craft beer, from very small breweries… And alcohol makes the body put a pause on burning fat,  I want to be a fit person, I want to look like I eat right, watch my macronutrients, go to gym and sleep enough and that’s what I’m going to look like, I was close to it last year, but I went the wrong way with late eating on unwise choices ( tacos are not food from devil, but the best time to gorge in carbs is not late at night, it’s early and before going to workout ) and also I’m 33, I gotta keep a close eye on my stuff to look well and feel well.

So my new intake on drinking is this :

I drink say, 1 time every 2 weeks or so, I bring my own craft or imported ( German most likely ) beer 1 or 2 will be enough, I bring my bento box with cool food to avoid the fries or other not so healthy options. I like fries,I am not saying I’m never eating them, but I prefer to make them on my own, have them as my cheat meal , cos I know then it’s only potatoes, salt and oil, the commercial frozen ones usually have so many additives, even flour and milk. Why? beats me, must be cheaper.

No drinking alone, I did this sometimes, I was bored I realise now.  So, I am ok with drinking, I still love beer, but man, if I am going to have to take extra care on what I drink/eat not to mess up my progress, it will be with some respectable beer, not cheap silly one. Plus making it less often makes it more fun and special, like you can love some food, but eating it daily may make you be sick of it at least for a while. I think this also happened, I drank so much beer in Germany, now I’m like.. omg no, but to be honest I’d love to have a glass of rose wine! Since I got no one to share with I don’t but maybe for next meeting with friends we can have a glass of this!

PS Drinks, some more than others, make you hungry and if you drink more than 3 drinks you will start to not give a fack and eat all you want at the time, and since liver is busy with alcohol, that you eating will go to fat storage, totally what most people don’t want!

Yeah that’s my new vision, the food ya know, no bread and very little if any tortillas, priority to proteins and fats and choosing some fruits over others. Easy peasy. Good_FP_skt1

 

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