Taking off the load

As the title says, it’s time for me to drop yet another load off my back, eh I wonder how many times I’ve done it? Each time I do feel much better tho, so will keep on doing it when needed.

I have to take responsibility and own my actions and their consequences and do it chill but also allowing any emotion to arise.

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Acrimony

Wow, this movie, it’s like, seriously, what the… It was tagged as comedy and drama. Well drama it has, comedy… I couldn’t find a single funny thing. It is a magnificent portrayal of a woman spiraling downward into a deep abyss of madness and revenge.  With a dressing of irrational jealousy and toxic attachment and dependency.

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It really goes to show what happens when you mix someone who might be a bit unstable in the head with attachment, a dubious man and obsession.

 

I don’t want to spoil it, since it was that good for me, but I think the ending, right the final scene, goes to show that negative feelings can chain us and weigh us down.

Someone give awards to the actors and actresses, specially Melinda woman.

PS That wasn’t love, love isn’t that shit.

 

Gear shift fitness version gainz

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So, the fit life is nice, I of course tilt a bit outside the wagon and I don’t wanna be like those boring people who never drink or are gluten free, damn I just learned to make seitan, fuck gluten free, unless you are actually ill.

 

So, I got sick and done with eating 1,400-1,500 calories, I told my trainer “Yo, I think my problem is I lack muscle rather than just having too much fat” so he prescribed a 4 days working routine, to gain muscle, much less cardio (hooray) and a day to work on..abs and grip strength I guess.

I upped my calorie intake, to exactly 1,800 calories. Carbs went up to 212 grams, protein is around 115-130, fat is around 50 grams.

Nothing terrible has happened, I didn’t gain weight, BUT I feel SO MUCH BETTER, what I needed was more fucking food, that is all. Some workouts I could do well with X weight, let’s say 160 kgs on leg press, well now it’s up to 180, easy peasy, also I don’t get sleepy at midday anymore, wtf xD

Oh right, buying the Vivosmart 3 was def smart ! I love that, but more on that on another post.

So, more food + training heavy = good, will tell you all about those gainz.

Recordatorio, tengo un blog de recetas

https://veg-mex.blogspot.mx/2018/05/salchichas-de-seitan-gluten.html

 

Este blog está casi todo en español, son recetas veganas muy sencillas, deli-deli.

 

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Emergence (Metamorphosis) /Manga

Ok, so I got to this point the usual way: I am too curious sometimes, I saw a random image on a Yuri Facebook page and I thought it was a reference to Avengers Infinity war movie , but no, it was something way darker…

I asked “what is this?” – A fucked up hentai , was the response. So me being me, looked for it online…the tags were..somehow gross, but come on, I’ve read something called “sexually tortured girls” which I almost regret..but since then I decided to not read those sort of things cos they make me hmm,not uneasy, more like sad..I guess it’s that empathy thing people call it that..anyway

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I read his/her work is usually grim so I went and found something else to read “Lucky Yui”… this one had bestiality, still not my thing but it wasn’t depressing at least.

So, this manga, a plain student decides to become fashionable, and this led her to drugs, prostitution, incest, rape, violence, bullying and homelessness. How in the world..well let me tell you one thing, this shit right here is actually quite plausible, it is something that already happens a lot, maybe that’s why it hits home hard, it is indeed possible, no need for suspension of disbelief, like with I don’t know.. Mai-chan’s daily life, which is also sad but well, people being alive after sustaining deadly injuries over and over isn’t an actual real life thing…yet.

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So all that happens in the manga is totally and possibly happening as we speak .

 

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Many of you may know, or not, but Saki, our protagonist dies of an overdose after losing her baby cos some people kicked and raped her AND stole the money she was saving up. Seriously, are people like that? Surely, but ugh, so after that there’s a scene in which it seems she’s telling this story to her child, Hana, about how she hated herself but ended up starting a fresh new life…sadly this is only a dying dream and she does die of the OD, stated by the author somewhere.

Honestly..I wanted this happy ending for her of course but.. she most likely had some STD ( if not before, from those homeless dudes from the park), so the baby would of had something wrong with her/him I think, then there’s the fact she used drugs even pregnant, that could not be good for the baby either…and she was a homeless, drug addict who would have sex for either cash or dope, so yeah that didn’t look too well. I mean, of course some people get clean and stuff, get their lives together, but as the things were going and she making really poor choices along with her addiction..most likely that baby was gonna end up in a similar fashion to her mother ( I have the feeling it was a baby girl)  Plus..how would she had gotten out of it? The OD while in the middle of an abortion, alone in a dirty bathroom stall in the middle of nowhere?

So taking that into account..the ending was perfect, realistic, yet sad, but merciful, at that point in her life dying was the only way out.

Reminded me of this movie “Mandragora” from hmm eastern Europe, about a young man who leaves home (his dad was a loving dad by the way), and becomes a male prostitute for men and also a drug addict and also dies alone in a bathroom stall, but that one is even worse cos the concerned dad is looking for him and he is actually outside the bathroom unaware of anything.

I have to say though, I don’t know why she felt so incredibly good with shooting up cocaine, I myself did it a bit when younger and it’s not like that.. maybe it was heroin? Hmm but she snorted it too…or maybe I don’t have that addictive personality.. either way, it is an interesting read but not late at night cos then you sorta can’t sleep..well I had a hard time. EDIT : DUH me, of course this one made me feel so uneasy!!! She died from a fucking cocaine OD, I had something similar, I mean, I obviously didn’t die, haha! But I used too much once and it was so, so scary, that’s when I quit that shit, I think I’ll always remember that feeling, it wasn’t anything nice at all, I did think I was done for tho, but I wasn’t..yeah that’s why this one moved me.

That and STD’s and drug use is nothing I have seen much about in manga.

Read at your own risk!

Non-weight scales victory

So… the scale is slowly going down, but besides that I’ll list those small signs of progress that I’ve noticed.

 

  • I can now skip the rope 10 times in a row, I couldn’t do freaking 4 when I started.
  • The jeans a friend got me in December that were tight, are now comfortable to wear,but not loose in the ass.
  • Been attending gym 5-6 days a week successfully
  • Finally deciding on making fitness my lifestyle
  • Adding cardio to daily routine
  • I allowed myself to skip gym a day when I really didn’t feel my best, attention, I wasn’t just being lazy.
  • Cutting down on processed food and gonna cook again

 

That’s pretty much it, will see measurements in 2 weeks.

 

 

 

I like to move it move it

Ya know I work from home, so no taking buses and stuff for me, I do prefer to walk if the distance is within 35 minutes though, but I don’t really go out as much so… I do attend gym and work out, lift weights and battle rope and what not, also afterwards I jump on the bike, but being sedentary the rest of the day isn’t good!

So, besides the 10k steps, I like to do something else, I’ll share some of my favourites but you an of course find something you like, YouTube has A TON of free workout videos, specially cardio which is what I am aiming for at home, you may choose Yoga, etc.

 

Wii games  (there’s many more but I lack the extras to play them, like the board) 

  • The “Just Dance” franchise
  • Gold’s gym routine cardio dance
  • Walk it out

 

So those are my choices, of course I got 8 Minute tae-bo with Billy Blanks if I go for a very quick one.

 

Enjoy!!

 

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