Stray kitty, collared kitty.

No, it’s not a new kinkier version for the famous rhyme “soft kitty, warm kitty” .. It would be nice though haha.

I have the urge to write about this cos today the people that I talk to ( online cos, you know, I don’t do social things too much,certainly not daily ) have showed me how much a wrong impression the general public has about BDSM, ( thank you 50 shades, thank you so much )

I’m not an expert nor do I know all about it, actually.. I am quite alternative when it comes to that, as with all the things in life it seems wonders why is she so peculiar, anyway, this came up cos in this chatroom I go to, someone was flipping about how fucked up it was, how gross it was and how much people tried to normalize “abnormal things”.. Excuse me, years ago homosexuality was still considered as mental illness.. one would expect that within a minority, people would at least try to understand or do as I do, I may not like something, and boy there’s so many things I do not like, but I still respect people and their ideas, in some cases it’s most like I tolerate them but, pffff.

So I tried to figure out why this person was so affected by it, I don’t think it could affect me, what someone else does with their fucking lives, much less would I have the need to question what makes others feel good, better. I failed cos this person just had this idea of people in this kind of relationships drawing blood all the time and walking off cliffs on command. ( I don’t doubt there are some people like that, but it’s not the majority cos then everyone would be freaking dead and there’d not be a BDSM community at all lol )

In any case, the other people seemed to agree,so I better quit the topic. But it was a bit disappointing to know how close minded we are as a collective to this date.

What I liked is that I am being lucky enough to be able to explore and enjoy this part of me that I hadn’t been able to, because I hadn’t met someone who could fit the role for me, I’m not a total submissive person so it would have to be someone who liked some feistyness grins . So, this person, we shall call her Hoho-sama for the time being, is just prrrfect for it, and the best was it just happened, no ad in kinky sites, no kinky chat either just, a regular lesbian chat and a fateful night. I don’t think I’d like to go back to be a stray, having someone that really cares and gives you attention and enjoys spending time with you is really the best, when you are just a stray people may give you shallow attention and think it’s amusing to play the whole “ah she says meow, I’ll play along”  thing for a bit, but they don’t really get, well I’m not sure what owners get, but I’m sure they must get some special joy out of it. Plus I’m lucky she doesn’t like sharing and that things are pretty good but nothing super extreme, which is ok for those who like that!

In case you wonder, I like playing kitty cos..meow, I love cats, always had, and we humans are animals, so I’m merely borrowing traits from other species, no I am not into furry nor do I think I’m a freaking actual cat.  Cats can be so soft and sweet, but also feisty and they are blunt, they don’t like you, they go away.

All in all, in this point in my life I am happy things are like this and I am looking forward to keep experiencing it and learning even more about myself in the process.  Thank you Hoho-sama I’ll make sure I keep meeting your standards!!!





Open letter for ex-Honey Lion

Hmm well shouldn’t need to add the “ex”, I’m never calling anyone else that, that was your name. Anyway, I don’t think you read this blog/entry but I still must write it all down.

So, just to let you know finally everything is good, my heart doesn’t have this small opening that it had and it stopped feeling hollow in this area when I woke up or listened to some songs. I don’t sigh when I read/hear German and ultimately I don’t want you back.

I don’t cos, haha weird as it is, I had this like revealing dream, like a compilation movie-wise of all the moments, signs and hints that your feelings were changing, seriously it was like a Power Point presentation, so I woke up like “Damn…Ok..well then that’s it” honestly looking back almost all my trip there was more like being with a friend now that I think about it, except that one day in Hameln ( that I loved and I’m so happy I got Stupsi, honestly I bought her and in my mind this idea came up “I’ll still have a good memory even after we break up”, I kinda was guessing it already it seems. ) and other few times.

So that and a dream I had last night ( I’m sure I had it cos I listened to the first time to a “forbidden song” which isn’t anymore woot ) and we were in a road trip, there was a serial killer..but eh thing is you had a gf or something and I didn’t feel anything in my dream, well sorta uncomfy, but that’s to be expected, so that is how I know I’m totally free! Hooray!

I could had sent you a message with this text but… not gonna do that, like ever, so here it is. I just had to say I even entertained the idea that you really didn’t want me to go over, at least as a gf, cos you were already out of love,  I once had a similar feeling, it really sucks, I don’t know if it’s like that but if it was, I’m sorry, it’s not comfy.

Ok that was all that I needed to say about this, us, you, now I can keep going ahead strong. Funniest shit, I may get a rise on my job lol.  Just one little advice, be more honest quicker! So..good bye , best of all for you, I was happy,I am happy now as well.



Visions of Love

Perfect song or band name material there, but no, I want to go into the world of dating, online dating and similar. Buckle up thy belts!


So, whether you know it or not, I have had a few girlfriends I’ve met online,  I won’t “count” the one I didn’t get to meet in person nor will I go into detail about the many people I talked to over the Internet since I was coming to terms, or rather learning about my sexual orientation from when I was  16 to the present day.

Also I’m not sure how I feel about dating apps, back in my day I met people either through the chat in a file sharing console program, ( such old days, it had MX on the name I’m sure..) or more recently on a yuri manga forum, not looking for it, just kinda happened.. awww.

Anyway , now there are a shitload of these apps and I think it is good to kinda be out there if you are not someone to go out clubbing, or to go out much as myself, I generally stay home, since I work from home, I don’t go to clubs and I kinda only go to gym but I also don’t talk to people there… lol  so it’s not exactly looking for me, just kind of being around.

The thing with online anything is, that it can be often misleading ( Ever watched Catfish? watch it! I love it cos I thing the dudes really care and seem super sweet)  in the sense of that it may be very easy, to talk to someone online ( it sure as hell is easier than in person most of the time, least for me ) it’s easier to get along, do not take me wrong, I genuinely think you can get to know someone a lot over the net, but somehow none of that really guarantees that things will go smoothly once you meet, ( if there are no plans on meeting it’s pretty pointless methinks ) even meeting once or twice doesn’t guarantee anything, but that’s another thing and not the point of my post today.

Today I want to address just this “talking phase” , when you think “Hey,this is nice” cos it’s a conversation that doesn’t feel too forced you know, like most do ( people just love asking generic stuff too much meow! ) that’s usually the first time, then somehow it’s like “hmm…”  there are of course few times when it’s super smooth and you can talk literally for hours and have an awesome time and subjects just keep coming on their own and suddenly you are on Whatsapp and stuff, but well, what I mean is that we may mistake a fast seemingly ok connection with just someone who was ok to talk to a bit, that day but not on a regular basis.

A thing that puts me off is that some women, specially on Mexican sites I’ve seen, are like “Hey, anyone to go on a date, or anyone who wants to be my gf, or hey anyone who wants to kiss me?” it’s a bit too much honestly.

I have read many texts about how we keep attracting people that show us our own reflection and thus we can learn and improve from them, but then those people go naturally out of our lives,  I know I always went for the emotionally unavailable kinda shitty person but she was not so shitty with me so I felt special cos I didn’t have self love, now I do and I just immediately stopped meeting such people, it is like that.

So, while I have NO idea of how many more people I’ll meet before being “ready” ( so to speak,cos we keep learning and learning and growing ) to meet my twin spark. I still think the red string of fate is a thing, just maybe not in all cases it means eternal romance or anything, just people you MUST meet and will leave a huge mark and learning. I do not think there is this one great love of your life that you can never be happy with, I think that idea comes from attachment and a tragic human mind cos somehow we find tragedy to be romantic AF, why oh why? So, most likely there is a special someone who is our twin spark and can caress our souls and we can do that back, but we suffer cos we sorta expect them show up every single time we meet someone, thus putting lots of pressure on people and things, attachment and expectations and not enough joy with our own company. And it’s not like that love we felt for others isn’t real just because it is not eternal, if it was sincere it was eternal while it lasted.  Happy tear?..hmm  ^_^

So I’m going to keep loving myself more and more and enjoy a lot cos I am truly the first and for now the only person who can really accept and handle the Nancy experience haha, if the meow asshat girl comes along, awesome, if not I’ll be just as happy cos I am in best company.

Epiphany.. . wow if one can be so happy and feel so good with someone who isn’t even their twin spark..imagine how would that be then? !






Citrus manga review

Well, I have talked about this before, but just now I got the chance to purchase the manga from Amazon Mexico, it is so good… The story as you may know it’s, well complicated, but there is something about this manga…  I’m not sure if it’s the character development or the awesome character design ( aka I love how the mangaka draws ) or the sexy yet not explicit nature of the relationship.

It was one of the best buys I’ve made this year, along with the first 5 books of A song of ice and fire aka Game of Thrones. I don’t want to spoil anything but if you do like this manga, support the artist and buy it. I’m eagerly waiting for the 5th tome to be released!


On another note, I’m not bitter and hating love haha, some people seem to think this, I have just opened up to this total different option where not everyone has this super special person waiting for them, it may happen, for people when they are ready, but isn’t it possible also that this is not the case? We should and could be more than enough to be happy, we are a whole orange, not a “half” , alas if there shall be a compatible spark it’s welcome, just we should remember sometimes it may be temporary, either to learn something from them or just because that is how it is, not because it feels and is true love it means it will last forever.  Maybe such a situation exists, maybe not, accepting this has made me feel greatly relieved, this mentality we have ,mostly, as people of “the right one being with me forever” is way too stressful.

Red string of fate revisited

Well..things have changed since last time I wrote about this subject. I still believe there are souls made to meet and have a sorta long lasting fulfilling relationship, I just think that it’s much much less likely than what I thought and that , at least for me, when I’ve felt such a strong connection and feelings, in the end it was just the universe showing me the things I had to/wanted to change and gave me a way to do it so ( check mirror law ) , I am thankful and all, I truly grow a lot each passing day, but it’s a bit disheartening that such a amazing, out of this world state of feelings was a mean to an end, to learn something and to be better and change and stuff.

So.. whereas I think it’s super cool to meet the souls you have to meet and learn from each other, I don’t think all of us have this twin spark, this soul mate. Cos when something had felt so incredibly real and it turns out it wasn’t that…  you stop believing ( at least for a while I think ) so maybe for some of us it’s like this, to be “alone” but that kind of alone is ok when you do have friends and family.  I really think i’m too much to handle, not only cos of some character flaws which can be “fixed” when you fix the underneath actual problem, but  to actually accept me as I am..with my views of the world and how I conduct myself… definitely not fitting  standard social roles or parameters..  I don’t think that’s possible. So I am fine with it, cos ,well , I thought I had met someone who could, but mm well, it wasn’t like that…so… but I am not going to change to make others happy or cos “it’s how things should be” so…

I guess that is it.  More fun posts will come, eventually, when everything is, well.. more fun, I am not here sulking all day haha, but well, some days are better than others, but it’s all good, it will be good in the end.


Anime and manga, giving me unrealistic ideas of eternal love since 1998. LOL


Up & Down,High & Low

… -breathes heavily-  sometimes I think I am very close to successfully get you out of my mind, it’s not like I want to entirely forget you, just this feelings I connect to the human being that is you.  But unlike movies and books I can’t choose how this goes, it’s like that song from Florence and the Machine “You can’t choose what stays and what fades away”.  I mean you can kind of, but… in the end, some street corner, some german name of some beer, some rainy spot makes me think of what it was and stopped being and maybe never was, useless? Hell yeah, but it still happens, and..well it makes me angry sometimes that I can’t quickly shake it off and just exile you from me, I don’t try to deny it, I will follow through cos maybe it’s the only way to a complete heal, but man sometimes it’s driving me nuts, I think I’m doing so well and then I have this stupid ass memory or a dream or a thought and it just crumbles down, I am aware, I know it’s ok for things to end, to not work, sometimes we just meet to show others what they need to change/fix/improve… but it’s not always that easy.

Mostly I want to play it cool, I don’t think you’ll ever read this, but god dammit I miss you sometimes so fucking bad, then I think about some other stuff and I carefully remind myself of how it all changed and I get mad cos you couldn’t be a bit clearer a bit sooner.

I… Ah I’m just so tired, I know love changes and people are bound to meet and well, maybe I do have someone to spend a very good part of my life with, romantically that is, or maybe not, I just can’t completely get over the fact it wasn’t you. It felt so damn real, I was really sure.  At the moment I just want to be left alone, I truly believe I am meant to be alone, I can’t keep on doing this, 2 times is enough for me to find out someone can love me till they get to really know me. I seriously have no desire for this to ever happen again.

Ok, all out, all good. This will take time, maybe a long time, but it’s ok, in the end I am happy we met and all, i am happy I met all the people in my life, no matter how things started or ended.  I just somehow wish you had stayed around longer. Liking me as i am of course, not …well.




Goals for next birthday ( or before it )

1.- Buy a freaking gaming PC where I can run Diablo III smoothly.

2.- Lower body fat to around 19-21 %

3.- Buy new smartphone to play Pokemon Go

4.- Buy Nintendo 3DS to play Pokemon X/Y

5.- Be hottest than a stellar fusion.

6.- Truly enjoy being single

7.- Never to consider move in or live with a possible future gf ( if I do have a future gf she’s gonna have to be really supa awesome ). Noppers.