About cats and making peace

Well, many things have passed,this is not a post to take a look into recent things but rather into old, forgotten and hidden stuff… Yeah, as you know I’ve made my way in my own acceptance path and this comes with self-esteem and new ideas and new ways to see things,or in some cases, old ways renewed , so now I feel ready to write this. I also realized I don’t have to be angry cos there’s still stuff to improve!

I am going to do this as a list, with just initial Letter of names so we don’t get into a mess hehe, once it happened that I used a full name and hell broke loose!

Ok who do I start with…. tough one. I think with lowest point in my life..

P : It took me a while but I understand you were (are?) also a lonely person, scared and who desperately needed praise ,being it with “friends” or “love”, you were even more lost than I was and we just pretended that everything was ok and it wasn’t, but I gotta thank you, I re-assured my preference big time, I’m super lesbian and more than that, I’m demisexual, which explains a lot about my life lol. I also realized I am not good lying to myself and pretending stuff,so I’m not doing that anymore, I hope you also realized important things about yourself.

L:  Hmm I learned so much… I learned I don’t have to beg for attention or a nice word,also that I don’t have to force myself to accept things that I’m not really ok with, and that I don’t have to hold onto things that are hurting me just because the right thing is to keep trying,is also wise to quit, I learned the more you want something that someone doesn’t want to give, the more fights come from it, I also learned to respect myself enough to say “no” and to stay away from people that are not the kind I like to be with. So, thank you for that,you were right, you were the step towards something much better, and it’s only getting better, thank you!

K: Contrary to what would be most logical to thing, I don’t have much to say about this, I took a big chance, didn’t work, we both were silly back then, but I held a grudge for way too long , I surely will make sure I don’t do that again!!

M: You were incredibly supporting, you really helped me to get back on my feet after my big depression when I came back from Germany, you were a great friend..I don’t think I ever told you, that band you introduced to me “Marlango” would remain one of my favourites and that their song “It’s alright” saved me so many times when I couldn’t bare to exist on this earth, I helped you translate many songs and you drew a wonderful cat for me that I got tattooed, I still don’t know what happened,why did you turn your back on me and became such good friends with those people you used to dislike so much,but I am done questioning that,or you,or why you never replied to my messages, with a little pain in my heart but also with happiness, I let you go, my dear friend , you did what you had to do in my life and that time is over and I am happy we met and I hope you’re doing fine.

I hope everyone on this list is doing fine,also those people I didn’t mention but, to sum it up , I thank everyone I’ve met, specially the ones that had made my life “difficult” cos that only meant you had something to teach me.

 

Now onto the present… I think with all the years and all the stuff, I forgot how much I really love cats…after Histeria died I didn’t want to truly love one again,cos I knew it’d hurt so much if something happened…but closing your heart is not the answer nor with human animals nor with any other animal…that’s why I’m surrounded by love now, family,cats ,friends and of course my super awesome sillyhead girlfriend… she’s helped me so much,but I will thank her personally ^_^

So, Gordito’s death really hit me, I felt so guilty and so bad, but those feelings have gone now everytime I think of him is just with love and I remember how silly he was and how he hit the other cats hehe, of course now and then a tear falls down,but it’s perfectly ok.

So with this renewed love for my furry friends,and this peace of finally letting go of so many things and people, I continue my way  focusing on what I have instead of what I don’t. cos man that’s tiring and stupid

Now something to think about!

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Exciting feelings, fluttering feelings

I’m not describing how I feel, LOL, it’s the title or rather, the two translations of title for this manga..ok manwah (?)  cos it’s korean.

So it’s yuri ( do you still call it yuri if it’s korean ? ), the art style is nice, I must confess I find it hard to keep track cos the names and the language are so weird to me,as opposed to japanese ones ( hey, been an anime fan for 17 years now shush ) but ok, there are .. 3? titles I like , this is one of those.

Well,it’s not as exciting or fluttering… I mean,the art is nice,the story seems promising but… 30 chapters AND NOTHING has happened. Come on! ( if you want to see lots of stuff happening from chapter 1 , check What does the fox say? it has a weird way to be read though )

Actually I decided in this moment to talk to you about WDTFS, it’s awesome, you have these 3 girls, again I can’t deal with them names so.. black haired company director, newbie blond and pink haired devil. Director and pink haired devil used to date,but stuff happened, now they fuck sporadically, then newbie comes into scene.. of course director is interested in her but newbie is kinda a virgin and then you have this messed up relationship and add a troubled past. Yes, it is very very interesting, check it out.

 

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I feel like this when reading WDTFS

 

 

 

Letting go

I have written about saying good bye to the purism and absolutism that seem to permeate the lifestyle I chose regarding my ethics in relation with other animals ( veganism, although I am finding I’m less fond of the word day by day… ) but I also must come to terms with other aspects of my life.

I may have overcame my incipient eating disorder that started when I was seriously not in control of my life anymore or what I ate and barely of what I did, I shall refer to that time of my life as the true dark ages. So, I have just recently got keen on working out, but let me be honest, I still do it mostly cos I do fear not only gaining weight but not losing what’s remaining of fat here, that which keeps me away from being what I think would be ideal.

The result is of course, I stress out a lot when I skip gym either for time or like yesterday I was sick, and it’s unwise to attend gym when one is ill, specially with a fever. Stress makes people store more fat, so you can see how that goes, so I am going to try to change that, I don’t know how long it’ll take me but I want to do all the things i do with a smile, do them cos I enjoy them and not cos of fear what would happen if I didn’t do them. Hope you could follow me up until here, I am going to focus on the benefits that I get in terms of how I feel,not weight or looks. For example, I love being able to perform 15 push ups in a row, I love being strong enough to press 160 kilos with my legs, I love the endorphine shower I get after working out and I love that the daily cardio sessions allow me to run 6 blocks to be on time when I need to.

I will do that and let my body and my mind relax, not thinking about %’s of this and that, yes commitment is important, but it must not become a self imposed task either. Like, I am going to get a new notebook and write down my cheat meals, so I can eat something yummy,not so healthy not so crappy once a week,and write it down, cos that keeps me on track but also lets me do what i want once every 7 days, hehe, and I will make a true list of goals for next year, for example, drinking only craftbeer ,1 on the weekend, with the exception of 5 times a year,drinking other kind when meeting friends, rules are good and help me keeping on the path but I must also become a flexible person when it’s needed.

So basically I am going to trust that my body will look much better after I truly feel better.  cos it is a reflection.

Happy holidays!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A special Christmas story

..I’ve written about Xmas before, I used to hate it but I stopped that last year,but this is my very first time,since I was 8 years old, that I am truly looking forward to it!!! I get a genuine excitement when I see people getting the lights, the decoration… I am very interested in getting cool cute things for my house, a penguin, polar bear and snowman are a must!

This year everything is different, and I mean EVERYTHING, not only for a certain someone who is most important for me, but because I get to experience this for the first time,with the absolutely most important people near me…also I can foresee it’s going to be the best birthday yet in my life, and I can’t wait to have my kitchen filled with cinnamon and ginger smell , set up the small houses and decorate the mini tree.

I understand how it can be a sad time too, and I finally realized why and when I stopped liking it, but that wound has finally healed.. I think most have..so I am ready to enjoy at it’s fullest!!

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Nothing better than kitty-cats to wish that all of you enjoy either Christmas or Hanukkah or whatever you celebrate,or if you don’t celebrate anything then that at least there is peace and joy in your lives.

LDR ;in first person

LDR here stands for “Long distance relationship” ,first person because I’m telling it from my point of view.Like..in Halo but you don’t shoot anything or anyone..well you could…anyway,let’s get started!

This isn’t like a pro and con post, those come and go with every different set of people, BUT, there are things that are for sure usually a pro or a con, obviously the first con is you can’t hang out or meet as often as regular couples ( I’ll call them SDR, S as in short,yes short distance,yes), the pro is that precisely because of this the time you spend is likely to be of higher quality, another pro is that a LDR focuses more on talking,feelings,getting to know the other person,of course this can be done in SDR but there are more “distractions” since it’s way easier. Like sex,you can limit to have sexual intercourse and go out to eat,as an example.

I was thinking,that for myself there is a super great advantage that is hard to get in a SDR, the longing, the appreciation for the other person, it’s sorta easy to make the mistake to take  for granted someone who is 3 buses stop away, cos they are “available” ( yes some couples in SDR also lack time,but let us not compare waiting a week as waiting months before meeting ) and it is much harder to take for granted someone that you have to wait for long periods of time to be with, much more so if you haven’t met for the first time yet, you find yourself wondering how her face changes when she laughs, ( yes Skype but in person everything is more colourful more intimate ) how her skin feels,what are her kisses like, etc, you even wonder how her hair gets messy on a windy day, stuff you usually don’t even notice when you see someone all the time, or at least quite often.

I have been told and argued that a LDR isn’t a real on,that it’s a simple way to pretend to have something with someone without the hassle. Excuse me? it’s 2 persons here, 2 different people with their own minds and hearts and feelings, if they are both honest of course it’s real, hell, I think it needs a higher level of commitment,to make time in the day to talk,to coordinate schedules, share pictures, appoint dates for longer talks or Skype sessions,saving for actual meetings,which implies travelling,planning. So I’d ask people to consider this, before thinking it isn’t real, yes sure, some people may just fool around with such things,but there is a point when you’ve shared so much of you, things you may have never disclosed to other partners you’ve had for even years, that no one can come and tell you this isn’t a real thing. It’s love as good as it gets,with a tiny bit more effort, but also the joy of being together goes beyond the roof I’m sure.

And you know? I’ve seen,and it has happened to me, being close in physical distance means little when the emotional distance is already greater than the one between America and Asia… 2 people in the same room, with their minds away from each other, emptily holding hands just because some sense of duty or not to make things awkward, sleeping next to someone but feeling as if you’re totally and completely alone,that kind of distance is the one that can’t be helped,for the other you got buses,planes, Internet and a strong will to work hard and make it work, if it’s worth,but it is if you feel this uproar in yourself. And maybe someday you’ll find yourself feeling closer to someone,closer than you’ve ever been to anyone, and to feel this strong bond, and you haven’t even looked properly  into each other’s eyes…

And no, it’s not like you go and decide you will be drawn to a person who happens to live very far away,it just happens… I am not sure if I’ve written about soulmates… but for tonight this is good enough, and if you happen to find your very special person,and that person lives afar..and when they want too as well.. make it work , try, maybe it turns out great!

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Are you an angry vegan? Then keep on reading ( also interesting for vegetarians and general public )

I didn’t fully understand the problem with angry vegans until… for a variety of reasons I found out Ellen Degeneres mentioned something about eggs from her neighbours, and people went on a rampage saying she wasn’t vegan at all,that she was never one,how much she sucked, how uneducated she was etc… I read awesome articles about this, making analysis on the overall impact she ( and other famous people ) have on the public so more people will consider to stop eating meat,or gradually consume less, but then it all became clear, most vegan people don’t think this is good, it’s a black or white zone, you either are a true real vegan or you are just as “bad” as a meat eater.

I will try to make this not too long,but I’ve got much so say, I was in several Facebook groups, some had vegetarians wanting to go vegan and some had vegetarians who didn’t feel like changing yet, both were pretty much attacked by “proper” vegans ,being reminded with every written sentence, of the amount of animals that suffer because they can’t grow a pair and go vegan already. Mostly there was and there is no room for progress, let me set a very clear example of this , ok?

I got this friend,he loves animals,I showed him the video “Earthlings” ,he was touched ,he decided he quits meat,he still eats cheese and eggs, said eggs come from these hens who live in the house nearby ( he lives in a ranch-like place in Mexico, huge area ) in this place, they are old fashioned, the hens live till they die from natural causes, no, do not raise your eyebrow, such things happen in some places,my granny used to be like this,she kept hens and they had place to roam,proper food,fun ,trees to perch and sleep and hen-houses for shelter. I..I can almost listen to some vegans saying “slaves,they were slaves”, well in this world,in this reality that’s pretty much the best hens could be, not clustered in those horrible farms/industries, the truth is some animals exist because man as species wanted them around,so since they are here now and they don’t have a real natural habitat, we should be happy some can live in the most natural way.

Anyway back to my friend, the cheese is from milk from this cow,who is just around with her calf, I admit I am not thrilled about cow’s milk cos they have to get pregnant,but of course this is much much better than milk gotten from the industry. So this friend,he rescues cats,he has sheltered around 15, paid vet bills,rescued dogs,find houses for those animals,and volunteered at local shelters, doesn’t that count as real,meaningful action that benefits the animals more than merely not eating them? Sure,not eating animals is super good, but how many of us non-meat eaters do something else? We try of course,but it’s so sad to see vegans  shaking their fingers at vegetarians and calling them selfish and telling them they are no different from people who eat meat. Well excuse me,they are different, yes, I am aware of the exploitation on the industry for hens and cows,also the barbaric means to get angora sweaters, down feathers and so on, but I do think a vegetarian who is trying to reduce the egg/dairy consumption, maybe opting for organic or local alternatives differs greatly from people who don’t care enough to even stop eating meat in the first place. Also most vegetarians I know do care about using non-tested cosmetics, they are against Killer whales living in stupid small places in seaworld and the like and stuff like that,it’s not a “only vegans do this” thing.

I didn’t comprehend what some people meant with respecting each other’s time,but I do now, I nagged my mother for about 12 years with the meat thing, ( been a vegetarian for 13 years at the time) but she didn’t listen,cos most people don’t listen if you keep shoving stuff in their faces and telling them how horrible it is that they do what they do and how wrong they are, usually without providing some nice,easy and cheap alternatives. She ,on her own, decided to go vegan when a cat we had died,she loved that cat,the first cat she actually built a strong bond with, and then,that was what she needed,she took a nutrition course with me,I was ( still am ) in charge of cooking and finding how to substitute things,and in about 4 months she went from eating cheese daily to have non,nor desire none. But this is true only for her, some people may do it faster,some slower, and we shouldn’t put them down and sit on our high horses being judgemental.

Were we always conscious about things? Are we trying to reduce suffering and violence towards other animals ( remember, humans are animals as well ) by attacking other people? By calling them names,being right down rude? And then we go and be all offended if someone doesn’t agree. I have done this myself, of course I did,but now I’m a wiser person and I know I can’t be like that cos:

1.- It makes no sense and helps no one

2.- I’m actually scaring people off,of even thinking about going vegan,vegetarian,etc

3.- It’s not nice!!

I saw this video,a guy explained being tolerant and strategic, I think he’s awesome, I’ll link him up at the end of this post, he proposed a situation in where a friend,had cooked a lasagne for you, all vegan,the soy milk, the filling, vegan cheese, BUT the friend missed to read that the pasta thing for the lasagne contained egg, the question was, would you still eat it? Most said yes,real hard core vegans said no way!!, I think it turns to a matter of purity, many people feel disgusted to the idea of this, I don’t, I would of before,yes, but now..look, the friend made a real huge effort,are you going to be so rude and unreasonable to reject an otherwise perfectly ok dish cos they missed to read an ingredient? I’d eat it and then nicely,on other day,suggest another brand of pasta that has no egg.

This of course has limits that are set by each person, I can tolerate egg in a situation like this ( or if I go to my friend’s and he can only offer me omelette with the eggs, I’d eat that cos starving has never helped anyone,or if heavens forgive me, I would feel like eating eggs,cos the egg is the only food thing that can be obtained in a very ethical way,because hens do lay naturally,please keep in mind I do not refer to commercial food with industry eggs,not even to organic eggs,just the ones where one can be sure the hens don’t get killed,sue me! ) I’d not have cheese though,cos I hate the flavour,I haaate it, and I’d never have any meat again,cos it’s a dead animal regardless of how he/she died,but other than that,we are not accumulating points on how vegan we are, nor do we get a reset if we get “tainted” with something unproper. This other guy in a vegan group,he sometimes can’t afford 100% vegan soap! Cos it is more expensive usually, is he less of a vegan? Is he a horrible person? No Sir!  I am happy to say I am not rich but I have commodities like going to the gym,having Internet access and I can buy vegan cookies if I want to,but this is not possible for everyone,and we must put ourselves in the other person shoes. It’s been a long day,and all that there is to eat is pizza, with veggies, won’t you eat it and then feel sick?  This is a matter of decisions.

We could also drop the hating on people, yes, I was in that wagon too, way before going vegan I must say. What good can it do to try and be kind to non human animals when we are being emotionally and verbally violent towards humans at the same time? It’s like I preach about non-violence, then I go burn your house down cos you are not enough “non-violentist” as I am? Please think about it without the anger, I know why we get angry, it’s sad and horrible what happens to the other animals and it must stop,but by saying small victories or specific campaigns are worthless we are not helping at all. Take this,there are most people who like dogs,cats,dolphins,yes yes,it’s speciest,but that is how it is usually,so, they like some animals,isn’t it better than many people have at least some degree of empathy than having none? With that as a start something bigger can come,but if we go and crush it like “Blah,you only like dogs,but you eat burgers,you suck,you go to hell”…can you say this to the face of a person who has rescued ,say,18 dogs? saved their lives? Do you stop and rescue animals on the street? Or are you one of those vegans that are against having animals in the house?

Cos cats and dogs have a real hard time out there, there are many risks,these species already need us to be in good conditions,so the least we could do is educate people on neutering, helping shelters,donating, adopting.

This brings me to… truly respecting animals, the last thing I read on this vegan group before leaving was a debate among people who were convinced the only clear ,logical, ultimate way to fix the world was to take ALL carnivore animals, bring them to a separate island, feed them synthetic food while making genetic experiments to make them herbivores.. Are you…like…I can’t even… seriously? And this is NOT being speciest? They want to make the animals entirely into something else so THEY won’t feel guilty? Whaaat?

I just want to add, famous people do bring much attention to alternatives,like being a vegan or a vegetarian,so are you going to say Ellen Degeneres has done nothing,when with her book and website many people has at least reduced their intake? ( Yes reducing is a way to reach not using ).

Also Meatless monday is a good initiative,  why do we humans always want all or nothing? We all start somewhere. Welfare is also important cos,ok,yes I do want that someday animals are no longer seen as meat sources,as machines,as things we can use,but we have to also think about the animals that exist right now, wouldn’t it be a good thing that these animals that are already in such situations would have a life that is even a bit better,while the time comes that no animal will suffer again?

I think I made my point clear, now I proceed to link you to two awesome articles.

The angry vegan

About eggs & Ellen Degeneres

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Remember,we are only humans and we can only try,and keep trying.

The darkest hour

I didn’t know how to write “moment of truth” in a more dramatic manner so… Since I took a glimpse on stuff I wrote and thought,and pretended to think,and so on—.I decided to briefly expose my true feelings.

No,I don’t like weed,people can smoke a bit ok,but I would not enjoy having a gf who smokes,so hooray.

Same goes for other drugs, except alcohol,that one is fine when it’s not 2 bottles a day . xD

I don’t like men,I didn’t like it when I tried to date that guy,rebounds are not cool mmkay?

I am not always right and I make mistakes and I used to be very judgemental, I’m sorry about it.

I had been very mean,specially to myself, I am also sorry to those I was mean to,hope at least we all learned something.

I am truly sorry I used the word “love” when I shouldn’t.. I was trying really hard to convince myself that that was what was going on..but of course it wasn’t…me being in love has just happened 2 times in my life, I am not like a horrible person I was just very lost and emotionally unstable and scared and lonely.

I’m impressed at how many posts I consecrated to insult myself and put me down, like whoa! I am aware I disliked my appearance heavily cos it reflected the storm inside…but please don’t treat yourselves like that, love thyself!

I am very happy I got better,it may of taken me almost 32 years,but I got there..of course there is always room for improvement.

I am still open to new stuff,but I have clear limits and I won’t go over them for nothing.

Ain’t nobody got time to read all this.

I am ready now to offer to the world and to take accordingly. I can smile and breath deep.

I think that’s all for now,haha.

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random romantic illustration  -coughs-

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